Wally Comic Strips - Page 84
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1000 Results for Wally
View 831 - 840 results for Wally comic strips. Discover the best "Wally" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday June 15,
2012
Tags libertarianism, standards meeting, elbonia, legal, meeting, business
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I need you to attend a standards meeting in Elbonia. Wally: Heh, heh. A lot of things are legal in Elbonia that aren't legal here. Boss: Are any of you not libertarians? Wally: Heh, heh, heh.
Tuesday June 05,
2012
Tags coffe lounge, more vocal, accomplishments, bragging, perfect substotute, wind, seat cushion
Transcript
Dilbert: I think I need to be more vocal about my accomplishments. Wally: I've found that bragging is a perfect substitute for accomplishing stuff. Dilbert: I plan to do both. Wally: Wow. You are the wind beneath my seat cushion.
Sunday June 03,
2012
Tags laziness, office workers, encouragement, career plans, misjudge, 5 year plan, legacy sytems, retirement, projects, protect heart, plenty of naps, quality of work, pension fund, new career plan
Transcript
Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.
Monday May 28,
2012
Tags apathy, late, setting priorities, boss, meeting, excuse, conference table, coffee cup, apology, business
Transcript
Boss: Sorry I'm late. It's because the least important thing I do is way more important than all of you put together. One way to look at it is that I'm great at setting priorities.
Sunday May 27,
2012
Tags money, budget, last year objectives, huge loss, bottomline, punish siuccess, startegy, management
Transcript
Boss: We've been asked to cut our budget by 30%. Dilbert: That doesn't make sense. We met all of our objectives last year. Boss: A different part of our company had a huge loss. Dilbert: Shouldn't you cut their budget, not ours? Boss: Their budget isn't big enough to make a difference to the bottom line. Dilbert: So our strategy is to punish success, and reward failure? Boss: Just do your job and leave the strategy to management. Dilbert: Hypothetically, if I do my job poorly, would that be good or bad for me?
Saturday May 26,
2012
Tags internet & world wide web, decison, emailed, definition, sarcasm, internet, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: I need something called a "decision." You might not know what that word means, so I emailed you a link to its definition. How did people do sarcasm before the internet? Wally: Maybe they didn't need to.
Friday May 25,
2012
Tags boredom, meetings, topic, insincere input, virtulaize, process, cloud
Transcript
Wally: I remember a time when I had to listen to the topic at hand before adding my insincere input. I think we should virtualize the process and move it to the cloud. Boss: Hey, that's a great idea! Wally: Now it's just all too easy.
Wednesday May 23,
2012
Tags dolls, dummy, treat customers, metaphor, stunned, employees shicked, boss demonstrates
Transcript
Boss: I'll use this dummy to demonstrate the way our company wants us to treat customers. Dilbert: We think it was meant as a metaphor, but there's no way to be sure.
Friday May 18,
2012
Tags job description, mindless zombie, team work, wate time, tasks, waste time, never shows intitaive
Transcript
Wally: Should I waste my time doing tasks that are not in my job description? Or should I be a mindless zombie that shuns teamwork and never shows initiative? Take your time. I'm good either way.
Sunday May 13,
2012
Tags discussion, ideas, meeting, originality, irrational thinking, optoistic, new prodcuts, faking optomisim, fake buy in, business
Transcript
Dilbert: ... and that's my suggestion for our next product. Alice: How do we know that ten other companies aren't working on the same idea. Dilbert: Well, that's always a possibility. Wally: There are seven billion people on Earth. I'll bet a million of them had this idea. Asok: It's irrational to think that any new product is likely to be a hit. On the other hand, we only get paid if we pretend to be optimistic about new products. Wally: All in favor of faking our optimism, raise your hands. Dilbert: All I could get was a fake buy-in. Boss: That's the only kind there is.


