How To Comic Strips - Page 84
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1000 Results for How To
View 831 - 840 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday July 26,
2012
Tags database analyst, tech writer, database anaylst, ignorance with certainty
Transcript
Boss: Tina, our database analyst quit, so I need you to take over that job. Tina: I'm curious... how long do you think it takes to train a tech writer to be a database analyst? Boss: Forty-five minutes. Tina: I like how you punctuate ignorance with certainty.
Saturday July 28,
2012
Tags gadgets, siri, server outage, deploying air bag, tailbone, vestigal, bluetooth
Transcript
Dilbert: Siri, how can I avoid blame for our server outage? Siri: Deploying coccyx air bag. Wally: So your tailbone isn't vestigial? Dilbert: Nope. And apparently it has bluetooth.
Friday August 03,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, work all night, inspiring employees, clearly defined roles, business
Transcript
Boss: We'll finish this project even if we have to work all night! Well, I just did my job of inspiring you, so I might as well go home. How do you like our clearly defined roles now?
Friday September 03,
2004
Tags fax to voice line, prank, on purpose, pain, bother, harass, anger, mad
Transcript
Hello? This is Alice. BEEEP BEEEP You are faxing to my voice line gain you #!!%* Dilbert: How often do you fax to her voice line? wally: It depends if she's been bad.
Monday September 13,
2004
Tags daughter sneezed, work from home, answer boss phone, phone messages aren't real, bitung humor
Transcript
Carol: "My daughter sneezed so the school is sending her home." "I'll work from home for the rest of the day." The Boss: "How will you answer my phone?" Carol: "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but none of your phone messages are real."
Wednesday September 15,
2004
Tags five projects, deliverables, motivational email, slacker, coffee cup
Transcript
Wally: Is it okay if I take on five new projects and ten deliverables? The Boss: um....okay. My motivational email messages are working, Alice: Can you help... Wally: whoa! don't know how many projects I have?
Tuesday September 28,
2004
Tags liosuction, disappeared, head one, eating donuts, being fed donuts
Transcript
Dilbert: "How did the liposuction go?" The boss: "Good." "People say I look younger. And thanks to my self-discipline, I'll keep off the weight." "One more."
Thursday September 30,
2004
Tags had coccyx removed, unnecessary body parts, removed, brain, care, tonsils
Transcript
Dilbert: Where were you last week? Wally: I had my coccyx removed. Im having all of my unnecessary parts removed so I can get time off from work. Dilbert: How about the part of your brain that makes you care about others? Wally: its on the list after tonsils.
Thursday October 14,
2004
Tags highly prodcutive, useless guy, employee abseteeism, stats, analysis, disk storage, science
Transcript
The highly productive but useless guy Heres a copy of my white paper. Its a statistical analysis of the correlation between disk storage and employee absenteeism. I oddment know how to do statistics but ut doesn't matter because I didn't have data.
Saturday October 23,
2004
Tags still alive, deadly plot, own fault, afford enetertainment
Transcript
Carol: You're still alive?? How can the sbe?? The Boss: What? Carol: Nothing! Never Mind! I don't know anything about a deadly plot! Its his own fault for not paying me enough to afford entertainment. Alice ; good one.

