Office Comic Strips - Page 84
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997 Results for Office
View 831 - 840 results for office comic strips. Discover the best "Office" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 29,
2019
Boss Recommends Blockchain
Tags boss, business, computer software, managers & supervisors, office workers, technology
Transcript
CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".
Monday September 02,
2019
.
Tags boss, criticism, managers & supervisors, office workers, sabotage
Transcript
Boss: My new employee is doing such great work that he makes the rest of you look like chimpanzees. I think you know what you need to do. Wally: Sabotage all of his projects. Boss: Try to do it before he takes my job.
Thursday September 05,
2019
Technically Dilbert Is Male
Tags boss, business ethics, gender, managers & supervisors, men and women, office workers, salary
Transcript
Dilbert: Technically, I'm male. But my boss makes me identify as a woman so it looks as if he pays men and women the same. Dogbert: You let your boss choose your gender? Dilbert: Don't make it sound weird.
Friday September 06,
2019
Dilbert Is No Longer His Name
Tags boss, gender, managers & supervisors, men and women, office workers, respect, salary
Transcript
Dilbert: My name used to be Dilbert, but my boss ordered me to identify as a woman. That way he can claim he pays men and women the same. Woman: I just lost all respect for your company. Dilbert: That was going to happen either way.
Saturday September 07,
2019
Centralizing The Decentralized
Tags boss, business, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, value
Transcript
Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.
Monday September 09,
2019
Scourge Of Teamwork
Tags help, insults, office workers, work, teams
Transcript
Man: Do you need any help on your project? Dilbert: No, I try to avoid the scourge of teamwork when-ever possible. Man: Isn't there any way I can be of service? Dilbert: Maybe you could offer to help someone I hate.
Tuesday September 10,
2019
Cause Of Unhappiness
Tags criticism, happiness, office workers, research, sarcasm
Transcript
Dilbert: I did a study of what makes people unhappy. It turns out that the primary cause of unhappiness is "other people". Alice: That's dumb. Dilbert: Said the other person.
Wednesday September 11,
2019
More Communication
Tags boss, communication, confused, distraction, irony, managers & supervisors
Transcript
Boss: What we need in this office is more communication and fewer distractions. Dilbert: Your goals are mutually exclusive. If you communicate more, you'll be distracting us more. Boss: Now I've lost my train of thought. Dilbert: Did my communication distract you?
Friday September 13,
2019
Tina Vents
Tags complaining, employees, office workers, avoidance, negativity
Transcript
Tina: I've had a bad week. Do you mind if I vent? Dilbert: I see no reason why I should be exposed to your toxic negativity. Tina: I'm going to do it anyway. Dilbert: Headphones.
Saturday September 14,
2019
Ignorant Opinions
Tags boss, criticism, insults, office workers, Opinion, sarcasm
Transcript
Man: I told your boss I think your project is heading in the wrong direction. Dilbert: Given that you only know about 20% of what one should know to have an informed opinion on the topic, may I conclude that you are stupid and toxic? Man: You don't know me! Dilbert: I'm basing my opinion on the 20% I do know.


