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View 831 - 840 results for want pills comic strips. Discover the best "Want Pills" comics from Dilbert.com.

Company Cheer

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Company Cheer  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #employees, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #corporations

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Boss: Our new corporate owners want us to gather every morning to do the company cheer. Alice: I quit. Dilbert: I quit. Voice: I quit. Voice 2: I quit. Boss: That's not the company cheer. Dilbert: It is now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #angry, #business, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Boss: Did you finish the product redesign? Dilbert: You never told me to redesign the product. Boss: I don't want any excuses! Dilbert: You never told me to redesign anything. Boss: Whoa! Leave your pretzel logic at home. You need to learn how to take responsibility for your failures. Dilbert: Okay...I take full responsiblity for you not telling me what you wanted me to do. Boss: You're not doing it right. Dilbert: Should I slap myself while saying it?

Co2 Scrubbers

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Co2 Scrubbers  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #earth, #inventions, #office workers, #plants, #technology, #humans

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Boss: Dilbert, I want you to invent a device that can scrub 100% of the CO2 out of the air. Dilbert: 100%??? That would kill every plant in the world. Do you know what that would mean for humans? Boss: Does the answer involve salad?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #government, #idea, #managers & supervisors, #math, #ocean, #research, #sarcasm, #science, #temperature, #tests

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Boss: We won a government contract to measure ocean temperatures. Dilbert: Which part of the ocean? Boss: The whole ocean. Dilbert: We can't put sensors everywhere in the ocean. It's too big. Boss: We can measure a bunch of places and estimate the rest. Dilbert: So...you want me to measure 1% of the ocean's temperature and estimate the other 99%? I don't know how to do that. Boss: Try using math. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be cheaper to measure nothing and just estimate the whole thing? Boss: Every now and then you come up with a great idea.

Mandatory Training

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Mandatory Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2019's comic on:


Tags #avoidance, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #training

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Boss: You haven't finished the mandatory compliance training modules. Alice: I'm waiting for a strategic time to do them. Boss: Oh, okay. Want to go to lunch? Alice: I would love to, but I have training modules to do.

Asok's Employee Engagement

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Asok's Employee Engagement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2019's comic on:


Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work, #attitude, #expectations

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Boss: Asok, your employee engagement has been a bit soft this quarter. I expect a higher level of irrational enthusiasm for the endless string of thankless tasks you call your job. Asok: How's this? Boss: I also want to see an unnatural preference for work over leisure.

My Last Company

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My Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #criticism, #employees, #employment, #office, #office workers

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Man: That's not the way we did it at my last company. Dilbert: Now I hate you and I don't want to interact with you in any way in the future. Man: Okay, that sounds just like my last company.

Press Release

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Press Release - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #boss, #unethical, #scientists, #press, #question, #overkill

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Dilbert: The unethical scientist we hired to support our product claims started today. Boss: Write a press release that says whatever we want him to say and put his name on it. Dilbert: Should we show it to him? Boss: That feels like overkill.

Asok In A Coma

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Asok In A Coma - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #coffee, #office, #office workers, #coma, #dopamine

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dilbert running: ask appears to be in some kind of coma. what should we do? the boss: we see this a lot. his job is so boring that it caused his dopamine to crash. the boss: show him some funny car videos and give him a coffee i.v. dilbert: part of me doesn't want that to work.

Experts And Non Experts

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Experts And Non Experts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #experts, #architecture

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dilbert: the experts say our architecture is not scalable. the boss: bah! the experts are biased. i want to hear what the non-experts say. dilbert: they say we should listen to the experts. the boss: okay, how about the people who are neither experts not non-experts?