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Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

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Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses

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Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.

Do Not Implicate Boss

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Do Not Implicate Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #deadline, #responsibility, #accountability, #medical

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Dilbert: My project is two weeks late because you came to work two weeks ago and gave me the flu. Boss: Do you have any excuses that don't implicate me as the main problem? Dilbert: How about I say I didn't feel motivated and leave it otherwise vague? Boss: I can work with that.

Press Release About Hack

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Press Release About Hack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hacker, #hacking, #information, #privacy, #damage control, #apology

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Boss: Hackers got our customer data. Write a press release saying we are sorry and it will never happen again. Tina: Is any of that true? Boss: Part of it is. Tina: Which part. Boss: Hackers got our customer data.

Two People Named Tina

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Two People Named Tina  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #nickname, #name, #insult, #name-calling

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Boss: We have two people named Tina at this meeting. To avoid any confusion, I will be assigning them nicknames. Carol: Who did that to you? Boss: Big Tina.

Wally's Best Play

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Wally's Best Play - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic, #deadline

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Wally: There are many, many reasons why my project is late and over budget. Boss: Do any of those reasons not involve your incompetence and sloth? Wally: I think my best play here is to be offended by the question.

How Dare You

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How Dare You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #offended, #offense, #accusation, #strategy

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Wally: My new defense against every accusation is to be offended by the question. Dilbert: That works? Wally: Depends how hard I sell it. Woman: Why haven't you returned any of my emails? Wally: How dare you!

Feedback From Twitter Guy

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Feedback From Twitter Guy  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #feedback, #criticism, #social media, #twitter, #tweet, #troll, #technology

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Dilbert: Do you have any feedback on my idea? Man: Yes. You're weak and stupid, and everyone you love will end up in jail. Dilbert: Do you spend a lot of time on Twitter? Man: Is that a lucky guess or are you spying on me?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #criticism, #suggestion, #listening, #conclusions, #misunderstanding

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Dilbert: Maybe you could remove a few slides to make your deck shorter. Man: So you're saying I should give up on trying to be persuasive? Dilbert: No, I"m saying it would be more persuasive if it were shorter. Man: So you're saying that having zero slides would be the most persuasive of all? Dilbert: No. I'm saying you have more slides than you need. Man: So you're saying people don't need accurate information as long as they don't have lots of slides? Dilbert:I'm not saying anything like that! Boss: Did Dilbert have any suggestions? Man: Just crazy ones.

Resending Email

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Resending Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #the boss, #project, #dead in the water, #requests, #budget

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The Boss: Wally, give me an update on your project. Wally: My project is dead in the water because every time I send you my budget request, you lose it and ask me to resend it. The Boss: I haven't seen any budget requests. Wally: I'll resend it.

Wally Covers For Alice

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Wally Covers For Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #alice, #heat, #thousand suns, #vacation, #Wally

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Alice: I'm back from vacation. Did you have any problems covering for me? Wally: No problem at all I saved all of your work for when you got back. Alice: I hate you with the heat of a thousand suns! Wally: How was your vacation? Was it relaxing?