Shareholder Meeting Comic Strips - Page 85
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Wally: As I understand it, your job is to match employees with the right assignments. None of my projects turned out well, which means you did a terrible job. I'm not asking for an apology. Just follow your conscience.
Boss: I'm looking for thought diversity in my hiring. That's a thing now. Alice: Really? That's a dumb thing. All you end up with is a bunch of people who can't agree. How do you like thought diversity now? Dilbert: That fad didn't last long.
CEO: Hello, random subordinate that I am seeing in the hallway! I'm your CEO, but I'm still like a regular person. Asok: My name is Asok. CEO: I only touch people who own boats.
Catbert: This report says you slapped our CEO senseless after he said they key to success is following your instinct. Alice: I was following my instinct. I was also being passionate, engaged, and creative. Catbert: Apparently the things you say actually mean stuff. CEO: How was I to know!
Boss: You don't show enough passion for your job. Dilbert: Stop interrupting my work with your stupid, trendy management jargon! Was that better or worse? I don't know how to tell.
Man: I need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement before we start. Wally: We don't need that because no one believes a word I say anyway. Man: Maybe I'm meeting with the wrong person. Wally: You're mighty judgy for a guy with so many secrets.
CEO: We can only succeed if we execute. Wally: How is that different from saying we can only succeed if we succeed. CEO: There's also the strategy. Wally: Does the strategy create itself?
Conference Call Phone: Wally, can you take the lead on that? Wally: This is Ted. I just joined the call. I'll take care of that for Wally. Phone: Thanks, Ted. Wally: I'm crushing it today.
Alice: An angel investor agreed to meet with me about my start-up idea. Dilbert: You need to be careful because he might be... Alice: We're meeting for drinks at his house on Saturday night. Dilbert: I'm socially inept and even I know that sounds wrong. Alice: He keeps texting to say he can't wait to fund me.
Dilbert: I would like to thank each of you for playing with your phones and not listening to a word I said all meeting. I hope karma is a real thing and frozen lavatory debris from airplanes kills each of you. Alice: What was he going on about? Wally: Beats me. I'm not much of a multitasker.