Company Hose Comic Strips - Page 85

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

897 Results for Company Hose

View 841 - 850 results for company hose comic strips. Discover the best "Company Hose" comics from Dilbert.com.

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, coding, engineers, logic, corporate, bureaucracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

All Robots Quit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
All Robots Quit  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags quitting, employment, intelligence, insult

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: All of our robots quit and left the company. Boss: I should have seen this coming. The smart ones always leave. Dilbert: excuse me? Boss: Get back to work, lifer.

Wally Likes Sitting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Likes Sitting  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, standing desk, health, sitting, standing

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The company has authorized the purchase of standing desks for employees who want them. Wally: Literally the only good thing about this job is that I can do it while sitting down. Boss: How did you get to this meeting? Wally: Your chair doesn't have wheels?

Work Until You Drop

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Work Until You Drop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health, monitor, fitbit, energy, surveillance, wearable tech, dedication, work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your health tracker says you are leaving work at the end of each day with energy to spare. That's exactly like stealing from the company. Dilbert: You want me to work until I drop? Boss: I'm not allowed to say that directly.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags military, office workers, survival, hero

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: This is our new employee, Mark. Mark was a navy SEAL. He fought in three separate conflicts. He once fought off a hundred insurgents and saved a town. Show Mark how we roll at this company. Dilbert: Today I'll be reformatting my PowerPoint deck because someone said the design is not organic. Mark: What's that mean? Dilbert: It doesn't matter. I'll just push some things around and hope the guy who complained doesn't attend the next meeting. Mark: How do you survive this place? Dilbert: I don't like to use the word "hero."

Boss Finds A Thumb Drive

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Finds A Thumb Drive  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers, infection, malware, obliviousness, virus, hacker, hacking

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I found a thumb drive on the sidewalk. It must be my lucky day. It's like free money! Dilbert: Can free money infect our network, too? Boss: You worry too much. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be selling all of my company stock.

Insurance For Phones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Insurance For Phones  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phone, technology, insurance, break, screen, cracked

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The company that insures our mobile phone product is angry because 100 percent of our phones break in the first minute. They say it's a disaster and it is putting them out of business. What should I tell them? Boss: Tell them they should have gotten some sort of insurance.

Laying Down Suppressive Fire

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Laying Down Suppressive Fire   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rumor, aspersions, accusing, accusation

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: If Ted complains about me not doing my job, keep in mind that he steals from the company. And he only has time for stealing because sometimes he takes time off from all of his lying. Dilbert: What was that all about? Wally: I was laying down suppressive fire.

The Problem Is Humans

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Problem Is Humans  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags culture, consultant, human nature, company culture, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.

You Heard A Rumor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 You Heard A Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultaion, insult, rumor, divulge source, dating pillow, co - workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults Dogbert: Nevre insult your co workers directly. The company would fire you for that. Instead say you heard a rumor but you can't divulge your source. Asok: that feels wrong. Dogbert: Someone told me your dating your pillow.