Hear Employees Comic Strips - Page 85
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855 Results for Hear Employees
View 841 - 850 results for hear employees comic strips. Discover the best "Hear Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday February 09,
2021
Disagree With Experts
Tags #business, #office workers, #disagree, #respect, #experts, #happy, #criticism, #enjoy, #attention
Transcript
tina: every time i hear you disagreeing with the experts, i lose a little respect for you. dilbert: are you saying you once had respect for me? tina crying and yelling: stop being happy about my criticisms! dilbert: why can't i enjoy the attention?
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Tuesday February 23,
2021
Simulation Nonsense
Tags #business, #computer, #computer software, #days, #fast, #nonsense, #ruin, #simulation, #technology, #upgrade, #coffee
Transcript
tina: it feels as if the days are going by faster lately. dilbert: that's because we're a computer simulation that just got a software upgrade. tina: there's really nothing you can't ruin with that nonsense, is there? dilbert: i hear that a lot.
Saturday March 06,
2021
Focus Or Spread
Tags #managers & supervisors, #focus, #project, #expense, #business, #employment, #low quality, #work, #magic, #attention, #technology, #sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: do you prefer that i focus on one of my projects at the expense of all the others... or should i spread my attention across all of my projects and do low-quality work on all of them? and your answer cannot involve magic. boss: can i hear the choices again.
Tuesday March 09,
2021
Garbled Audio
Tags #technology, #business, #video conference, #audio, #garbled, #gerbil, #laptop, #miscommunication, #zoom, #solve, #problems, #endangered, #coffee
Transcript
dilbert in front of laptop on video conference: our audio is garbled. i can't hear what you are saying. dilbert yelling: no, i didn't say anything about a gerbil. i said our audio is garbled. dogbert and dilbert at home. dogbert: how'd your zoom call go? dilbert: i solved zero problems and may have endangered a gerbil.
Sunday April 04,
2021
Taking Time Off
Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #vacation, #paid time off, #critical, #essential, #system, #migration, #kidding, #success, #zoom, #call, #valuable, #asset, #engagement
Transcript
boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.
Monday April 05,
2021
Cameras Can See You
Tags #business, #business ethics, #technology, #hackers, #camera, #digital device, #skills, #detection, #performance, #review, #minutes, #laptop, #coffee
Transcript
boss and wally on video call. wally: did you know hackers can see you and hear you through the cameras on your digital devices? in fact, someone with my skills could do it in minutes and never be detected. boss: what are you trying to tell me? wally: it's just something to keep in mind when you do my performance review.
Saturday May 01,
2021
Must Register To Date
Tags #business, #love & dating, #managers & supervisors, #company policy, #human resources, #new, #dating, #register, #link, #details, #laptop
Transcript
boss on video call. boss: our new policy is that employees cannot date each other unless they register with human resources. this won't have much impact on my department because most of you are completely undatable. voice from laptop: ouch. boss: there's a link for details, but you won't need it.
Friday May 14,
2021
Bigot In Your Mind
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #boss, #marriage, #avoid, #bigot, #mind, #self-deception, #real world, #Win, #hire
Transcript
boss: i hear you're marrying an elbonian man to avoid being called a bigot. but it doesn't work that way. you can still be a bigot in your mind, no matter what you do in the real world. dilbert: so... there's no way to win? boss: did i forget to tell you that when i hired you?
Sunday June 06,
2021
Anonymous Sources
Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #company, #anonymous, #credibility, #trust, #lie, #thief, #sources
Transcript
boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company. dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility. boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say. dilbert: why do you trust them over me? boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're a thief. dilbert: you heard that from the anonymous sources that have no credibility! boss: why would they lie to me? dilbert: same reason you lie to me. boss: okay, that makes sense.
Sunday June 27,
2021
Loser Detector
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #invention, #losers, #accurate, #detection, #pings, #backwards, #sarcasm
Transcript
in meeting room. dogbert: i invented a device that can detect losers. boss: how do i know if it's accurate? dogbert: point it at a know loser and see if it pings. boss pointing it at employees: boss: hey! it knows ted is a loser! ha ha ha!!! it says dilbert and alice are losers too! and carol and wally too! ha ha ha!!! this thing is totally accurate! dogbert: you're holding it backward. boss: how exactly does it detect losers? dogbert: they're the ones who hold it backward.