Know Every Tragedy Comic Strips - Page 85

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hot mess employee, magnet for problems, wally stalks her

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"My life is a rolling disaster." "I'm a magnet for all problems legal, financial, medical and romantic." "Uh-oh... I sense another disaster brewing." wally: "Shes cute. I think I'll stalk her every day."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags demand raise, doest care, promises, over promised, free work, suberb negiator

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Asok: I demand a raise or else I will quit today. the Boss: Goodbye. Asok: Noooo!!! please let me stay! I'll work every weekend for free!!! The boss: Okay. Dilbert: were you correct that your superior intelligence makes you a superb negotiator? Asok: Please shut up.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social situtaion, ambiguous tight lipped smile, look away

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"Uh-oh. It's a gray area social situation." "Do I know this guy well enough to say hi, or do I look away?" "So I went with an ambiguous tight-lipped smile that could be confused with a stomach ache." "Your stories suck."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags five projects, deliverables, motivational email, slacker, coffee cup

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Wally: Is it okay if I take on five new projects and ten deliverables? The Boss: um....okay. My motivational email messages are working, Alice: Can you help... Wally: whoa! don't know how many projects I have?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ethics question, okay to retype, medication

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Carol: I have a question for the ethics hotline. Is it okay to retype the directions on my boss's prescription medication. The boss: I know I can't do this next thing because I've tried.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags brown bag seminars, ethical, ethics problems, seminar

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The Boss: The company will be holding a series of brown bag seminars on corporate ethics. Dilbert:is it ethical to steal our lunch hour and pretend that the ethics problems sent come from our executives? The Boss: I wouldn't know because I haven't taken the seminar.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags have plan, division perfromance, worst division, average performance, merge

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The boss: I have a plan to avoid paying division performance bonuses. I'll merge our group with the worst division so our average performance is lower. her- hee! I should be eay because every division manager is already begging to merge with me.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags highly prodcutive, useless guy, employee abseteeism, stats, analysis, disk storage, science

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The highly productive but useless guy Heres a copy of my white paper. Its a statistical analysis of the correlation between disk storage and employee absenteeism. I oddment know how to do statistics but ut doesn't matter because I didn't have data.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags still alive, deadly plot, own fault, afford enetertainment

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Carol: You're still alive?? How can the sbe?? The Boss: What? Carol: Nothing! Never Mind! I don't know anything about a deadly plot! Its his own fault for not paying me enough to afford entertainment. Alice ; good one.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags explain the issue, never comprehend, conflicts, never understand

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"I know I keep asking you this but could you explain the issue again?" "Well, something that you could never comprehend conflicts with something that you'd never understand." "Oh."