Tell Everything Comic Strips - Page 86

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View 851 - 860 results for tell everything comic strips. Discover the best "Tell Everything" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bad Data

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Bad Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #data, #information, #accuracy

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Boss: What does the data tell us to do? Dilbert: We only have bad data on this. Boss: Does the bad data suggest we should do what we wanted to do anyway? Dilbert: Well, yes. Boss: That's called "good data."

Boss Instincts

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Boss Instincts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #instinct, #gut, #mating, #sex, #choosing

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Boss: Both options look good, but I need to choose one. I'll have to rely on my instinct. Dilbert: What does your instinct tell you? Boss: It's mostly about mating. Dilbert: Run.

Customers Work For Free

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Customers Work For Free - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #test, #big business, #money, #savings, #obliviousness

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Alice: Did anyone test our user interface before we shipped it? Boss: No, our customers will tell us what they don't like about it. And they work for free. Alice: That isn't right. Boss: That's what our customers say, too, and unlike you, they work for free.

Purchasing Did Not Order Part

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Purchasing Did Not Order Part - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #delays, #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic, #scapegoat, #deadline, #delay

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Wally: The purchasing department rejected my request for a key system part because of a typo on their form. But they didn't tell me for three months, so now my product launch will be delayed by that much. Boss: But they finally ordered the part? Wally: I call that unknowable.

Can't Remember Wally's Project

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Can't Remember Wally's Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #language, #jargon, #obliviousness, #bluff, #managers

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Boss: I can't remember what project you're working on. Wally: I'm integrating parallel platforms for load balancing across incremental networks. Boss: Keep doing that. I can never tell when I'm having a good day.

Your Lying Face

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Your Lying Face  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #assumption, #face, #facial expression, #business

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Dilbert: Why didn't you invite me to the meeting? Man: I could tell by your face that you didn't want to be invited. Dilbert: But I did want to be invited. Man: Tell that to your lying face.

Mind Reader Coworker

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Mind Reader Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paranoia, #body language, #assume, #assumption, #conclusions

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Man: Why do you hate the plan so much? Dilbert: I don't hate the plan. I like the plan. Man: No, I can tell by the way you chose your words that you hate it. Now I can tell by your face that you hate me. Dilbert: You're like a blind squirrel who brings his own nuts to the park.

One Problem Becomes Two

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One Problem Becomes Two - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #complaint, #belief, #Opinion

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Dilbert: Today a dozen people got angry at me because they believed I was privately thinking the opposite of what I was saying. Why can't people just listen to my words?? Dogbert: Have you tried not being boring? Dilbert: Whenever I tell you I have one problem, I leave with two.

Death By Ninjas Is Best

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Death By Ninjas Is Best - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ninja, #hit man, #optimism, #frustration, #irony

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Wally: Why aren't you worried about the Elbonian ninjas who are reportedly coming here to kill you in your sleep? Dilbert: That's the best way to die. I won't care about anything after I'm gone, so this is the ideal scenario for me. Elbonian 1: He's ruining everything with his cheery attitude. Elbonian 2: Let's see how he likes another thirty years in a cubicle.

New Military Project

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New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #name, #weapon, #semantics, #language

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Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"