Nose Job Comic Strips - Page 86

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991 Results for Nose Job

View 851 - 860 results for nose job comic strips. Discover the best "Nose Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Acting Interested In Dilbert

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Acting Interested In Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, relationships, human, humanity, productivity, motivation

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Boss: I'm supposed to act interested in your well-being to boost your job performance. Dilbert: No thanks. Boss: So... how's your wife, or girlfriend, or same-sex partner, or loneliness? Dilbert: Fine. Boss: Okay, I think that covers it. Dilbert: Look! My productivity is soaring!

Ted Gets A New Phone

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Ted Gets A New Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags punishment, reward, gift, samsung, explosion, battery

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Boss: Congratulations, Ted, your job performance has earned you a new mobile phone. Ted: Isn't this the model that has the exploding battery problem? Boss: Your job performance wasn't good either.

Cartoonist As Spokesperson

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Cartoonist As Spokesperson - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags spokesperson, embarrassment, celebrity, promoter, product

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Boss: We're looking for a celebrity spokesperson, but we don't have much budget for it. All we can afford is a cartoonist. Can you do the job for $75? Scott Adams: Deal! Boss: Have you ever done anything on social media that would embarrass us? Scott Adams: I thought that's what it's for.

Asok Has Worst Job In The World

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Asok Has Worst Job In The World - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hit man, job, happiness, satisfaction, doppelganger, double, lookalike, business, psychology

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Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, excuse, illness

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Wally: I have a note from my doctor. It says I'm too sensitive to handle criticism. I don't understand all the medical details. It has something to do with the mind-body connection. One minor criticism from you and my lungs will collapse. If that happens, you'll need to pinch my nose, create a seal with your mouth, and reinflate them. Boss: This doctor's note looks like your handwriting. Wally: Ow! My lung!

Spreading Ted's Ashes

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Spreading Ted's Ashes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, ashes, cremation, death, spreading, toilet, medical

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Alice: Ted's widow asked us to spread his ashes around the office because he loved his job. Wally: I'll do it. Alice: You didn't like Ted. Wally: Was that a requirement? Alice: Don't let anyone see you flush it.

Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job

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Ted Is Doing A Terrible Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags talking, conversation, boring, annoy, quitting, boredom

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Boss: Ted is doing a terrible job. Catbert: Maybe you should talk to him. Boss: What should I say? Catbert: It doesn't matter. Five minutes of listening to you will make him want to quit. Boss: That's crazy enough to work. Catbert: You've only been here for two minutes and my tail is asleep.

Coaching Alice

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Coaching Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coaching, mentor, boss, manager, Advice

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Boss: Do you want some coaching? Alice: Heck yes. If you find someone who knows my job better than I do, send them my way. Boss: Maybe I could share my wisdom with you. Alice: Can you teach me how to stay calm when some idiot interrupts me?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job, scope, negotiating, engineer, demands, failure, stress, business, engineering

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Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

Trust The Boss

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Trust The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags trust, confidence, vampire, dead, trustworthy

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Boss: We're not planning any changes, trust me. Dilbert: Trust you? I've seen your browser history. I wouldn't trust you to guard a funeral home. Boss: That's the easiest job ever. Just drive stakes through the hearts of the dead and they'll stay put. Dilbert: To my point.