Alice Punching Comic Strips - Page 86

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Did you start the benchmark tests? "I'm all over that like a caterpillar on my Sunday pants." "Does that mean...yes?" "Do birds eat beans to fly faster?"

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"According to my benchmark tests, our product is the worst one on the market." "Maybe you can tweak the numbers." "Fake them?" "Fake is such an ugly word." "Just remember that your next raise depends on the sales of that product." "And mistakes happen. A decimal place can be either here or there." "All I'm asking is that you do the tests again...while drinking." "I always wondered what job satisfaction felt like."

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"The new employee at work is hot, and she's getting special treatment. How can I get rid of her?" "Water finds its own level. She'll leave within a week." "They say that most people meet their future spouses at work." erk!

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That new employee is getting special treatment just because she's hot. It's unfair. "She's hot? Where is her cubicle? Maybe I should bring her some coffee." "Do you mind brewing an extra pot? I don't know how big her mug is."

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"Alice, this is Ellen, your new natural enemy." "You're highly skilled but mannish, whereas Ellen is unqualified and totally hot." "Now I have to decide who will come with me to the trade show in Hawaii and who will do the furniture inventory."

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Dogbert's Communication Seminar "There's really no point in listening to other people." "They're either going to be agreeing with you or saying stupid stuff." "That should cut down on the questions."

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"Welcome to Dogbert's communication seminar." "Today you will learn how to use your Blackberry while pretending to listen." "Now repeat after me: Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh. What was he thinking? Wow!" click click click click

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"Alice, I'm sending you to a communication class." "Because I've noticed that your words often say one thing while your body language says another." "Frankly, it's creepy." "Thank you. I appreciate the useful feedback."

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"We don't have enough chairs." "Why do I always have to get the extra chair?" "I need to borrow your guest chair." "No way." punch punch punch punch punch punch punch "GAAAA!!!" "If you aren't willing to punch a coworker for a chair, you don't belong in this business."

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My new strategy is to hire passionate people instead of smart ones. "I curse the air conditioning system that blows such a cold wind!" "I can already feel our stock price going up."