Business Failures/Bankruptcies Comic Strips - Page 86
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1000 Results for Business Failures/Bankruptcies
View 851 - 860 results for business failures/bankruptcies comic strips. Discover the best "Business Failures/Bankruptcies" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday October 09,
2014
Tags high five, human resources, managers, work ethic, trash talking, emplyee, boss, desk, practice, cat, human, animals, business
Transcript
Catbert: I'm getting complaints that you've been trash-talking employees' families so they'll spend more time at work. I stopped by to give you a high-five from Human Resources. Your aim is terrible. Boss: The first one was practice~
Sunday October 05,
2014
Tags cruelty, leadership, managers, managers & supervisors, choices, bullying, 60 hour week, fatique, lower quality, enlightened leader, work fewer hours, better outcome, illusion, created by underlings, abuse, pian, enforcement, business
Transcript
Dilbert: You have an interesting choice today. You can continue bullying me into working sixty hours per week... while knowing that fatigue will lower the quality of my work. Or you can be an enlightened leader and encourage me to work fewer hours for a better net outcome. Boss: I'm not supposed to tell you this, but... leadership is an illusion created by the abuse of underlings. The more pain I force you to endure, the more of a leader I appear to be. How's the truth feel? Dilbert: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
Wednesday October 01,
2014
Tags drinking, hiring, personality tests, sales, sales personnel, sociopaths, storytelling skills, morgue, selfie, dead guy, super drunk, hired, sales person, new hire, business
Transcript
Boss: I can tell a lot from an applicant's storytelling skills. So tell me a story. Man: Last week, I broke into a morgue and took a selfie with a dead guy. But in my defense, I was super drunk. Boss: I hired a new salesperson.
Monday September 15,
2014
Tags employees, managers & supervisors, power (social sciences), boss, emplyee, team members, decisions, all equal, saprtacus, business
Transcript
Boss: I dislike the words "boss" and "employee." From now on, we are all "team members." I'll be the team member that makes the decisions and gets paid the most. You'll be the team members I punish when things go wrong. Dilbert: But otherwise we are all equal? Boss: Whoa! Calm down, Spartacus.
Friday September 12,
2014
Tags employees, learn from coworkers, busy worers, request, no one helps, learning, business
Transcript
Boss: Asok, the best way to advance your career is by learning as much as you can from co-workers. Asok: Can you show me what you are doing? Alice: Come back in ten years when I'm not busy. Asok: No one will help me learn anything. Boss: You learned that!
Monday September 08,
2014
Tags big business, competition (psychology), bad ads, increase sales, competitors, running ads, increases ads, strategic incompetence, luck
Transcript
Coworker: Our ads are so bad that they increase sales for our competitors. Boss: Try running ads for our competitors and see if it increases our sales. Dilbert: Strategic incompetence? Boss: I didn't get this far by luck!
Sunday September 07,
2014
Tags assumption, business ethics, buy prodcuts, corporate strategy, corporation, customer centric, etiquette & ethics, evil, executives, ideas, marketing campaign, monopoly, needs, needs of customers, psychological manipulation
Transcript
CEO: I welcome any input on our corporate strategy. Dilbert: I think we need to be more customer-centric. CEO: You mean raise our prices? Dilbert: I mean focus on the needs of our customers. CEO: You mean we should be a monopoly so they need us? Dilbert: Um, no. We should find out what they need and then give it to them. CEO: They need to buy our products. Dilbert: They probably don't. CEO: So you're saying our marketing campaign should use psychological manipulation to make people think they need our products. You finally had a good idea. Dilbert: I'm going to stop talking now.
Saturday September 06,
2014
Tags big business, mergers & acquisitions, worry, short poition, cartoon cat, bloom county, Comic Strip, mantra, bill ackman, stocks, defective people
Transcript
Dilbert: Bill Ackman just took a huge short position in our stock. Boss: I"m not worried about a cartoon cat from an old "Bloom County" comic strip. Dilbert: Maybe I care too much. Wally: That is the mantra of all defective people.
Monday September 01,
2014
Tags cruelty, work ethic, human resources, feeling of inadequency, boost company profits, all weekedn, adequate temporary basis, business
Transcript
Catbert: My job in Human Resources is to instill in you a permanent feeling of inadequacy. Your only hope for feeling good about yourself is to work feverishly to boos company profits. If you work all weekend for free, I am willing to call you adequate on a temporary basis. Dilbert: I'll take it.
Friday August 29,
2014
Tags laziness, not caring what others think, total uslessness, key to success, discussion, employees, hoping it goes, business
Transcript
Wally: Asok, the key to success is not caring what others think of you. Coincidentally, that is also the key to being totally useless. The important thing is that other people can't tell which way you're hoping it goes.

