Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 86
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1000 Results for Dogbert
View 851 - 860 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday March 29,
2004
Tags televison show, doctor dogbert, lazy, immoral, fat morons
Transcript
"I plan to start my own television talk show." "I'll change my name to 'Doctor Dogbert' so people think I'm qualified to call them lazy, immoral fat morons." "You already call people those names." "Yeah, but I want them to thank me for it."
Saturday March 13,
2004
Tags manipulate, lying, Advice, mayo clinic, victim to source
Transcript
Dogbert: "You can manipulate people by lying about what other people said." "If your victim goes to the source and discovers your treachery, say, of course he tells you that." Dilbert: "Your advice doesn't sound healthy." Dogbert: "That's not what the Mayo Clinic said."
Saturday February 28,
2004
Tags dogbert consults, easy financing, price gouge, leasing advice, paying, products
Transcript
Dogbert consults Dogbert: "You should offer your customers easy financing." "That disguises the true cost of your products so you can price-gouge and people will thank you." "How much are we paying you?" "I'm leasing my advice to you." "Thank you."
Monday February 23,
2004
Tags competitors, tired, unfocused, pester, endless series, charity request, employee birthday parties, blood drives, can't focus
Transcript
dogcart: "I can make your competitors tired and unfocused." "I'll pester them with an endless series of charity requests, employee birthday parties and blood drives." "I know it works because they paid me to do it to you." The boss: "So... tired... can't... focus..."
Friday February 20,
2004
Tags sycophant school, agree with superiors, make statements, fake smiles, paid 400x more, look at faces, rude, teaching, aggressive, education
Transcript
SYCOPHANT SCHOOL "You must learn to agree with your superiors no matter what they say." "For practice, I'll make statements and you agree. Remember to use your fake smiles." "Statement one: I should be paid 400 times more than you because I have to look at your faces."
Thursday February 19,
2004
Tags school, worthless sycophants, head nodding, beginners, instructiosn, class, particpants, education
Transcript
Dogbert: "Welcome to Dogbert's school for worthless sycophants." "Our first lesson is 'Head nodding for beginners.'" "Good good, now get ready to snap it forward."
Tuesday February 17,
2004
Tags pursue disruptive innovations.glorious, fully funded, amzing, free from bureaucracy, bean bag charis
Transcript
DOGBURT CONSULTS dogcart: "I recommend forming a separate group to pursue disruptive innovations." "It will be a glorious place: fully funded, amazing ambiance, brilliant people, free from bureaucracy." "Best of all, once a year they'll let you losers tour their work space and sit in their bean bag chairs."
Monday February 16,
2004
Tags consultant, create, disruptive innovations, dogbert consults, redefine market, business
Transcript
DOGBERT CONSULTS Dogbert: "To survive, you must create disruptive innovations that redefine the market." wally: "Does that mean the same thing as 'sell things people want'?" Dogbert: "There's one big difference." wally: "You only get paid if you say it in a funny way?" dogcart: "I like to think disruptively innovative."
Thursday February 12,
2004
Tags morons on parade, magazine, cover story, writer, interview
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm a writer for 'Morons on Parade' magazine. Do you mind if I ask you some questions? The Boss: okay...but only if you promise to not make me look bad. Dogbert: cover story!!! Woo-Hoo!!! The boss: Really?
Tuesday February 10,
2004
Tags portotype, wireless hassock - buddy, gps naviagtion, stalk owners, stalk, powerpoint presentations
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished the prototype for the wireless hassock-buddy. It uses GPS navigation to stalk its owner and demand that he rest his feet. Today I learned the words "stalk" and "AAAGH" In my powerpoint presentations.


