Every Day Retribution Comic Strips - Page 86

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #consultant, #advised, #handle, #sneaking, #stamping, #cancelled, #understand, #goodyear, #blimp

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "My consultant advised me to handle the layoffs in a direct, professional way." The Boss holds up a rubber stamp and continues, "So, throughout the day I'll be sneaking up on people and stamping 'Canceled' on their backs." As Wally runs away, Alice says, "Let me see if I understand . . ." The Boss points and says, "Hey! Is that the Goodyear blimp?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #bob, #dinosaur, #meaningless, #existence, #ironically, #ruined, #life

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Ratbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Bob, sometimes I wonder if there's a place in this world for a sensitive rat like me." Ratbert continues, "I can't live the hollow, meaningless shell of existence that others so ironically call 'life.'" Ratbert concludes, "I want to make a difference to people." Bob says, "Well, you ruined MY day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #man, #robe, #marketing, #research, #new, #friday, #shout, #question

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A man in a robe points to a well and says to Dilbert, "When you work in marketing, you use the research well to test new ideas." The man continues, "Any day but Friday you can shout your question into the well and an answer will come back." Dilbert asks, "Why not Friday?" Someone inside the well replies, "Friday is your day in the well."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #transferred, #marketing, #barbeque, #unicorn, #rare, #best, #part

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Dilbert stands in a barbecue line holding a plate. The man in front of him says, "Every Tuesday we barbecue a unicorn." The man says, "Make mine rare. Ha ha! Get it? Rare?" Dilbert looks at the horn on his plate and thinks, "I'm not sure I believe this is the 'best part.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #smell, #suspected, #stopped, #neighbor, #cat, #trial, #pat, #pet

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Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dilbert asks, "How was your day, Dogbert?" Dogbert sniffs the air and asks, "Hey! What's that smell?" Dogbert smells Dilbert's hand and says, "Just as I suspected - you stopped to pet the neighbor's cat!" Dilbert says, "It meant nothing. It was more of a pat than a pet." Dilbert dials the phone and says, "Save your lies for the trial."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #seven, #advantages, #dumb, #bob, #ozone, #layer, #doggie, #doctor, #solution, #television, #car, #constrained, #budget, #elvis, #compliment

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Dogbert sits on a stool. The panel contains the title, "Dogbert Presents: The Seven Advantages of Being Dumb." The caption says, "1. Impending doom doesn't bother you." Dilbert tells Bob the Dinosaur, "There's a hole in the ozone layer." Bob replies, "Cool!" The caption says, "2. Television is a source of constant wonder." Bob sits in a chair watching tv and thinking, "I wonder if Doogie is a doctor in real life." The caption says, "3. You have a solution for every problem." Bob thinks, "If people are starving in Africa they should move to France." The caption says, "4. You are not constrained by a budget." Bob sits in the driver's seat of a convertible car. He shouts to Dilbert, "It was free! They just make you sign papers!" The caption says, "5. You've seen Elvis . . . Frequently." Bob watches a man walk by and says, "It's the King!" The caption says, "6. Instant replays are as exciting as live action." Bob watches tv and thinks, "This time he could make it." The caption says, "7. You receive twice as many compliments." Dogbert says, "You're kind of the Dan Quayle of dinosaurs." Bob says, "Really?! Wow!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #name, #deserve, #wrong, #world, #created, #ruebert, #robot, #spell

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Dogbert and a robot sit at the table. Dogbert says, "We need a name for you." The robot replies, "I don't deserve a name." The robot continues, "Everything that's wrong with the world is my fault. I rue the day I was created." Dogbert says, "I name you 'Ruebert.'" The robot replies, "Aaagh! People will spell it wrong and it's my fault!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 1992's comic on:


Tags #plastic, #surgery, #decision, #nobody, #toucan sam, #cafeteria, #intern, #janet, #lips, #puffed, #tethered, #snorted

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A woman with a huge nose tells Dilbert and Wally, "I've decided to have plastic surgery." Dilbert replies, "Frankly, I think it's the right decision." Dilbert continues, "Maybe then nobody will call you 'Toucan Sam' behind your back in the cafeteria every day." Wally says, "Ooh, and remember when the summer intern left?" Wally continues, "The joke was 'Maybe Janet accidentally snorted him up her nose.'" Janet says, "Actually, I'm only going to have my lips puffed." Wally whispers, "I hope the nurses are tethered down." Dilbert arrives at home with his arm in a sling and a bandage on his head. He tells Dogbert, "I got off easy . . . Poor Norman got snorted."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #lack, #ethics, #social, #conscience, #guilt, #module, #synthesized, #belief, #system, #spittle

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Dogbert says to the robot, "We need to do something about your total lack of ethics and social conscience." Dogbert continues, "I had Dilbert build this guilt module for your control board. It has the synthesized shame of every major belief system." Later, the robot says to Dilbert, "I am unworthy to roll in your spittle." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Frankly, I liked him better before."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #home, #video, #moment, #vhs, #doctor, #incision, #squiggly, #photogenic

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A man answers his door and says, "Dilbert! Dogbert!" Dilbert says, "Thanks for inviting us over." The man stands next to a woman and says, "We thought you'd like to see our home video of little Timmy's birth." The man puts the tape in the VCR and says, "We captured every beautiful moment on VHS!" The woman asks, "Have you ever seen a Caesarean section before?" The man points at the screen and says, "The doctor is making the incision!" The man continues, "Now they're removing the squiggly thing!" The woman says, "Wait . . . This might be the wrong tape . . . I think this is your appendectomy video." Dogbert says, "Either that or little Timmy isn't very photogenic."