Job Refernce Comic Strips - Page 86

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View 851 - 860 results for job refernce comic strips. Discover the best "Job Refernce" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineers, filberts job security, menacing statements, one option, reducing headcount, works hard, finish project

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Dilbert: The only way to finish the project on time is by adding four engineers. Wally: theres one other option. you could make menacing statements about filberts job security until he works five times as hard. Just kidding. hee hee! The Boss: Ive been thinking about reducing headcount.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags proposal, alternatives, lobby government, tax breaks, idiot run businesses, quit job, new career, handing out towels, cow chips, bull shit

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The boss: Your proposal doesn't address the alternatives. Dilbert: There aren't any reasonable alternatives. The boss: There are always alternatives! Give me alternatives!! No wonder nothing gets done around here - not enough alternatives. typing: "we could lobby the government to give tax breaks to all idiot run businesses" "I could quit this stupid job and start a new career handing out towels at the gym" "Or we could use cow chips instead of microchips and save millions" The Boss: whats a cow chip? Dilbert: This job would be an example.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags best assets, competitions worst, employees on job, hidden camera, imply, they work for competition, ad agency, dogbert's ad agency

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Dogbert's Ad Agency Dogbert: Your commercial should compare your best assets to the competition's worst. we'll use a hidden camera to film your employees on the job. The Boss: I missed something here... Dogbert: we'll imply that they all work for the competition . this isn't a documentary.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags downtrodden cubicle workers, form union, working conditions, salaried workers, against law, no overtime, no security, spines, demand bigger cucbilce, union dues, long hours, strap on spines

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"Hear me, all downtrodden cubicle workers!" "I have come to form a union to improve your working conditions!" "We can't join a union. We're salaried." "I think it's against the law, or something." "You've got long hours, no overtime, shrinking benefits and no job security. You must act now!" "You're confusing us with people who have spines." "Don't worry, I brought strap-on porta-spines for everybody." "I demand a bigger cubicle!" "Nobody will take advantage of us ever again!" "Now, let's talk about union dues." "Fair enough."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags head of market research, 120k salary, value opinions, refrence, honesty, pay these days

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"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dimly lit cucbicle, carpal tunnel, crippled, last job, coal miner, gas explosion, new cubcile, canary

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"I guess it's time to go back to my dimly lit cubicle and see if my carpal tunnel has crippled me yet." "This is a lot like my last job as a coal miner, but without the threat of a gas explosion." "I'm moving you to a new cubicle over by Wally." "Better get a canary."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags project cancelled, answer, task delegated, craft response, boss delegating job, do nothing boss, fraud

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The Boss: Do you remember when the company President visited? You asked why your project had been cancelled. He promised to get an answer, That task has been delegated all the way down to me. Id like you to craft a response for me, You'll have to put your new project on hold until this is done.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags called to brag, dogbert headhunting service, no skill, pays 100k, dogbert job

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"This is Dogbert's Headhunting Service." "I've got a job that pays a hundred thousand per year and requires no skill whatsoever." "No, I didn't say it's available. I called to brag about my own job."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job pays, headhunter, move, cold place, drivers license, look up gender, phone call, man, inquiring about job

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Dogbert the headhunter Dogbert: The job pays a hundred thousand. But you'll have to move to a place thats so cold that mercury freezes. Man: I'll take it. How bad could it be? Dogbert: Keep your drivers license on you is you can look up your gender if you forget

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags most talented, technical professional, Dogbert, professional head hunter

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"Hello, this is Dogbert's professional headhunting service." "I find jobs for the most talented technical professionals. Several people mentioned your name." "So, is it true they'll be looking for somebody to fill your job soon? Hello?"