Service Business Comic Strips - Page 86
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1000 Results for Service Business
View 851 - 860 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday November 17,
2014
Send Ceo On Dangerous Stunts
Tags ceos, death, deception, split duites, boring meetings, publicity stunts, business scheme, 3people, medical
Transcript
Co-CEOs. Dogbert: Let's split the duties this way... I will be the CEO who attends boring meetings, and you can be more of a Richard Branson type who does dangerous publicity stunts. Co-CEO: I love that idea. Dogbert: And then there was one.
Saturday November 15,
2014
Dogbert The Third Ceo
Tags business tactics, ceos, executives, co ceo, third ceo, tiebreaker, fired, disagreement, new guy
Transcript
CEO: I hired a co-CEO, but it isn't working because we disagree on everything. We want to hire you as our third CEO so we always have a tiebreaker. Dogbert: I accept. The new guy and I have decided to fire you and split the CEO spot two ways.
Thursday November 13,
2014
Memorial Service For Ted
Tags funerals, memorial, cake, ballons, tasteful, mime, pretend, invisible box, hire entertainment, clueless
Transcript
Boss: I need you to organize some sort of memorial thing for Fred. Carol: You mean Ted. Boss: I'm thinking cake and balloons in the break room. Is that tasteful enough? Carol: I could hire a mime to pretend he's in an invisible box.
Saturday November 08,
2014
Tags human resources, intern, interns, Promotion, promotions, no career path, internship, business
Transcript
Asok: Is it my imagination or is there no career path here from intern to anything else? Catbert: If we promote you, we just have to find another intern. No one wins in that scenario. Asok: Actually, I would be the winner in that scenario. Catbert: I've never thought of it that way and I don't like it.
Friday November 07,
2014
Tags egyptians, engineers, human resources, pyramids, pharoahs, secrets, reschedule, meeting, historically accurate, new policy, business
Transcript
Catbert: Egyptian pharaohs killed the engineers who build their pyramids so they would never share their secrets. Dilbert: No... I don't think they did. Catbert: Really? Dang! Can we reschedule this meeting until I find a historically accurate explanation of our new policy?
Thursday November 06,
2014
Tags buy things, deception, evil, evil tool, images, lab notes, marketing, obliviousness, presentation, screen, unique sequence, business
Transcript
Dilbert: I discovered a unique sequence of sights and sounds that makes people buy things they don't need. I recommend that we destroy all of my lab notes and rid the world of this evil tool. CEO: You never told him what marketing is? Boss: He didn't need to know.
Monday October 27,
2014
Tags advertising, deception, graphic design, graphic designers, marketing, a_b testing, design options, skill set, random behavior, talent, secrets, business
Transcript
Graphic Designer. Dilbert: I'll do some A-B testing with the design options you provided. Interestingly, the fact that you can't predict which design will perform best means your skill set is mostly random behavior that you package as talent. Designer: This works better if i'm the only one who knows that.
Friday October 24,
2014
Tags business school, context, lists, ranking, rankings, list, votes, schools
Transcript
Boss: The new business school rankings are out. Dilbert: Is that the list that is based on the votes of people who have no direct knowledge of those schools? Boss: You ruin everything. Dilbert: Context is not your friend.
Tuesday October 21,
2014
Tags managers, managers & supervisors, morale, robots, problems, lying, spectacular job, award randomly, in charge, robot boss, temporary, employees, oversight, business
Transcript
Boss: Did you have any problems filling in for me while I was on vacation? Robot: It was hard at first. I couldn't tell who was lying about doing a spectacular job. Boss: That's why I reward them randomly. Robot: I tried that and it did seem to settle them down.
Monday October 20,
2014
Tags employees, honesty, lying, morale, punishing honesty, 100% perfect, business
Transcript
Temporary Robot Boss. Robot: Is it just my simulated imagination or are all of the employees lying to me all the time? Catbert: We trained them to be that way by punishing honesty. Robot: How is you project coming along? Alice: 100% perfect! Couldn't be better!


