Touching Brain With Nose Comic Strips - Page 86

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Touching Brain With Nose

View 851 - 860 results for touching brain with nose comic strips. Discover the best "Touching Brain With Nose" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #talking, #asking, #emotions, #angry, #hatred, #annoyed, #mean

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Carol, I want you to feel more emotionally invested in the vision and mission of the company." Carol says, "My only emotion is anger. You can have as much of it as you want." The boss says, "Maybe I can inspire you with my leadership." Carol says, "I feel like I'm wearing concrete underpants."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #idea, #ridicule, #contradiction, #misunderstood, #stupidity, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "We need more of what the management experts call 'Employee engagement.'" The boss says, "I don't know the details, but it has something to do with you idiots working harder for the same pay." Dilbert says, "Is anything different on your end?" The boss says, "I think I'm supposed to be happier."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #training, #raising hand, #firing, #confused, #surprised, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Who needs training to keep up with technology trends?" Ted says, "Me." The Boss says, "You're fired. I only want people who already know how to do their jobs." Ted says, "I did not see that coming." Wally says, "They don't have a class to fix that."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2009's comic on:


Tags #costume, #halloween, #ridicule, #criticism, #stupidity, #mocking, #holiday

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "What exactly is your Halloween costume supposed to be?" Wally says, "I'm going for a village idiot vibe, with a dash of Quasimodo." The Boss says, "Why does it seem so familiar?" Dilbert says, "I'm someone's management style."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #bonus, #project, #explaining, #pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "If I do a great job with the pandemic contingency planning, can I have a bonus?" The Boss says, "I won't know if you did a great job unless we actually have a pandemic emergency." Asok says, "So?if there is a pandemic, I might get a bonus?" The boss says, "I don't like where this is heading."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2009's comic on:


Tags #assignment, #delegating, #logic, #crumpling, #unnatural, #useless

View Transcript

Transcript

the Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to take care of?um?" The Boss says, "?.Whatever is on the top of my pile." Dilbert says, "This is a job for marketing. Not engineering." The Boss says, "Give it to the director of marketing and ask him to assign it to someone." Dilbert says, "So...you're delegating to me to pass this off to someone else, who will delegate it to someone else." Dilbert says, "With each handoff, the sense of urgency will diminish until the likelihood of completion approaches zero." Dilbert says, "You could save the company money by crumpling up this document and throwing it away right now." The boss says, "This feels wrong." Dilbert says, "Try using more wrist."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #asking, #project, #procrastination, #excuses, #blame, #distraction, #annoyed, #frustrated, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Wally, you didn't e-mail me your project status." Wally says, "Did you check your spam folder?" Wally says, "Maybe you should check there before you besmirch my good name with your baseless accusations." The Boss says, "Did you send it?" Wally says, "Okay, I see how you're trying to turn this around."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #criticism, #ridicule, #stupidity, #ignoring, #distracted, #work, #desk, #forgetting

View Transcript

Transcript

the Boss says, "Why didn't you get my input on the vendor selection?" Dilbert says, "I tried, but?" Dilbert says, "You're so easily distracted that for all practical purposes you're nothing but furniture with coffee breath." The Boss says, "Where were we?" Dilbert says, "You were praising me for my good attitude."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #project, #complaining, #time, #work, #cruel, #mean

View Transcript

Transcript

the Boss says, "I need you to write a white paper for an industry trade association." Dilbert says, "Fine, but that will leave me with less time to work on my project." The Boss says, "Do the trade association stuff during your unproductive time." Dilbert says, "What exactly is my 'Unproductive time'?" The Boss says ,"It goes by many names, including sleep, leisure and healthy lifestyle." Dilbert says, "If I do less of those things it will reduce the quality of my life below the point at which good hygiene has any utility." The Boss says, "I don't want to make out with your. I just want you to work harder for no extra money." The Boss thinks, "I spend too much time explaining the obvious."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2009's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #assignment, #partner, #annoyed, #calling, #human resources, #frustrated, #angry, #offended, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

the Boss says, "Alice, I'd like you to work with Ted on this project." Alice says, "Ted's a drama queen. Working with him will just slow me down." Ted says, "Hello? Human resources? Alice is being a bully." Alice says, "And so it begins."