Falling Out Of Trees Comic Strips - Page 86

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #hr dept., #views of management, #exceeds expectations, #renamed, #drool, #loser, #die die die, #category changes, #performance review

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CATBERT: EVIl Director of Human Resources Catbert is walking through the office carrying a paper thinking, "I love my job." He walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hello, hapless employee." He continues, "I've renamed the four levels of employee performance..." "...To accurately reflect the views of management." Catbert reading from his paper, "The category of "exceeds expectations" is renamed to..." "..."At least he or she doesn't drool on himself or herself."..." He continues, "..."Meets expectations will be called "loser". "Does not meet expectations" will now be called "Die! Die! Die!"..." Catbert is walking off thinking, "I could send it out by e-mail but I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #feel guilty, #scam, #money, #smarter, #arrogance, #good system

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Dilbert: Do you ever feel guilty for scamming innocent people out of their money? Dogbert: "No." "I only scam people who would do the same to me if they were just smarter." Dilbert: "So you use arrogance to cancel guilt?" Dogbert: "It's a good system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disrespect, #slightly, #talk about problem, #asking, #requesting, #conversation

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Tina: I think we should talk and try to work out our problem. Dilbert: "What problem?" Tina: "I'm referring to your utter disrespect for me. Dilbert: I don't disrepect you." Tina: "Not even slightly?" Dilbert: "Wait. I feel a little bit coming on right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no landing strips, #jump out of plane, #airplane, #mud, #cushion, #fall, #flap arms

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"Elbonia has no landing strips, so you'll have to jump our of the plane." "Try to flap your arms and aim for a plump Elbonian to cushion your fall." "Dang." "Airplane."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fist of death, #alice implicated, #beat up men, #high crime, #area, #office, #picture, #pyramid shaped hair

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Senior management has decided to move our office out of this high-crime area. "Because every one of them was beaten up in front og the building by a guy with pyramid-shaped hair.'<Br>"Police released this sketch. The guy likes to yell something about a "fist of death.""

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conference call, #success, #set up, #15 people, #forgot to call in, #mute buttons, #spinning story

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Asok: The conference call was a huge sucess. "Three out of 15 people were available and only one of them forgot to call in." The boss: "So it was a phone call between two people?" Asok: "It would have been if they hadn't used the mute buttons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech support, #online customer survey, #how happy

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Dogbert's Tech Support: Please fill out the online customer satisfaction survey." "Um... But you haven't even tried to help me yet." "I like to base my help on how happy you expect to be."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #five star restaurant, #lunch, #food so good, #once in a lifetime, #not invited, #stay back, #answer phones

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The Boss: "Carol, I decided to take the entire staff out to a five-star restaurant for lunch." "The food is so good that it's almost intoxicating. When paired with the right wine, the experience is a once-in-a-life-time sensation." "While we're gone, you'll need to answer everyone's phone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #share cubicle, #date you, #incredible time together, #if it didn't work

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"It's too bad that we share a cubicle. Otherwise I'd date you." "If it didn't work out, we'd have to see each other every day." "...Always reminded of our incredible time together." "Where's the bad?!! Where's the bad?!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attorney, #contact, #cubicle opened, #dividing up workspace, #eyebrows, #my client, #prove, #naked, #got him for everything, #legal

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"A cubicle vacancy opened up, so I'll be moving out of here." "My attorney will contac you about dividing up our workspace property." "Next, can you proves that you have both eyebrows before you met my client?"