Will Die Comic Strips - Page 86

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discovered oil, #wild life perserve, #elbonian, #endangered species, #no impact, #drilled unicorn, #dead, #animals, #drill fields

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The Boss: we've discovered oil in the Elbonian wild life preserve. DOnt worry about the endangered species. Our drilling will have no impact. ELbonian: oops

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tight labor market, #complicated tasks, #harder jobs, #dumb employees

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Dilbert is pointing to a graphic of a person being squeezed in a vise. Dilbert says, "Due to a tight labor market and increasingly complicated tasks.." Dilbert continues, "Harder and harder jobs will be staffed with dumber and dumber employees until the logical limit:" As a table to zombie like employees stare, Dilbert says, "This meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #threw computer, #off roof, #killed customer, #replace, #look a like, #worker, #clones, #coverup

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The Boss, Wally and Alice are sitting at a conference table. The Boss says "Someone threw a computer off the roof and killed our biggest customer." Alice appears shocked. The Boss continues, "We plan to replace him with a lookalike who will continue buying from us." The Boss holds up a picture of Wally. Wally says, "Hey, that's Willy from the club of people who look exactly like me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new motto, #dance hurts, #love money, #work when people watch, #read contract, #assign mottos, #Dilbert, #Dogbert

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Dilbert sits on the couch. Dogbert sits next to him and says, "This will be your new motto..." Dogbert continues, "Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching." Dilbert says, "You can't assign mottos to me." Dogbert replies, "You'd better read your contract."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #5 dollars per night, #mini bar, #motion detector, #three hundred, #charged near it, #long night

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Dilbert stands at a hotel concierge desk. The desk attendant says, "The room costs five dollars a night." The attendant continues, saying, "The mini-bar has a motion detector; you will be charged three hundred dollars everytime you get within eight feet of it." The room is small and the mini-bar is in the center of the room. Dilbert crouches in the corner of his room next to his bed, thinking, "This is going to be a long night."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #$35 worth food, #15% tip, #penne pasta, #no log cabin, #build log cabin, #sitaution, #promise

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Dilbert looks at a menu in a restaurant and says, "Bring me $35 worth of food, including your 15% tip." The waitress reaches for his menu and asks, "If I bring you a penne pasta, will you promise not to build a log cabin on your plate?" Dilbert replies, "I can't promise that." The waitress says, "Well then, we have a situation here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anyone offers food, #dont eat, #fill in receptionist, #impression visitors, #face of company

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The Boss comes to Carol's desk and says, "Carol, I need you to fill in for our receptionist today." The Boss continues, "Remember, you will be the face of our company, the first impression for visitors." Carol is seen at the receptionist's desk. A visitor stands at the desk looking surprised as Carol says, "If anyone offers you food, don't eat it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #electrician, #fix furnace, #invention, #plumber, #roofer, #space time continuum, #carpenter, #fix furnace 1991

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Dogbert stands on a stool watching as Dilbert fixes what looks like a time machine. Dilbert says, "My invention will let me search the service industry's space-time continuum." Dilbert is seen in the machine travelling through a galaxy with several floating workmen. Dilbert says, "Plumber, roofer, carpenter, electrician." Dilbert stops and looks at one worker and says, "Weren't you supposed to fix my furnace in 1991?" The worker replies, "You're my next house."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work indoors, #rain, #can't control weather, #roof guy

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Dilbert sits in a chair reading the paper. A worker approaches him and says, "I got the roof off. I'll be back next week to finish." Dilbert follows him to the door and says, "What if it rains?" The worker replies, "Then I'll work indoors." Dilbert follows him to his truck. He says, "But my house will be ruined." The worker says, "I can't control the weather."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #speakerphone, #annoy coworkers, #sociopth, #bit loud, #eating lunch, #delicious

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Ron is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "If I use the speakerphone it will annoy my co-workers." He continues thinking, "Luckily for me, I'm a sociopath." Dilbert approaches from behind and says, "Two things: you're a bit loud... and you're eating my lunch." Ron responds, "It's delicious."