Business People Comic Strips - Page 87

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conincidences, ell phones, ring, emergency, crisis, meetings, people leave

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The Boss is about to start a meeting. Wally, Dilbert, Asok, and Alice's cell phones all ring simultaneously. Wally says into his phone, "Emergency, you say?" Dilbert asks into his phone, "Crisis?" The Boss is alone in the conference room. He thinks, "I'm losing my faith in coincidences."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gambling casino, bad luck, casino, extraordinary bad luck

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Dilbert is sitting on his couch, reading a book. Dogbert stands on the armrest and says, "I plan to open a gambling casino for people who have extraordinarily bad luck." Dilbert asks, "How can you tell who has extraordinarily bad luck?" Dogbert replies, "They would be the ones that go to my casino."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags career counseling, hear myself talk, roll their eyes, nod and smaile, babble, punish people, management aptitude test

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Headline: Career Counseling. Dilbert sits across from a client. The client says, "I love to hear myself talk." The client continues, "But I don't like it when people roll their eyes and go 'phhht.'" The client continues, "I'd like a job where people are forced to nod and smile while I babble." The client adds, "And I'd like to punish people for my own mistakes." Dogbert says, "I recommend a career in management." Dogbert continues, "Just to be sure, I'm going to give you a management aptitude test." The client replies, "Hey, I have an idea. Maybe I should pursue a career in management!" Dogbert says, "Congratulations! You just passed the management aptitude test." The client exclaims, "Yes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sales call, vatican, sales people, worried

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Dilbert, dressed as God, is seated on the plane next to a woman. He says, "It's because I'm making a sales call to the Vatican." Dilbert continues, "I'm told that salespeople should dress one level above their customers." The plane is viewed from the outside. A voice asks, "Aren't you worried?" Another voice responds, "About what?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fooglepoopillion, embarrased, tell the truth, best policy, honesty, what you say

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Dilbert is at home. He says to Dogbert, "My company lost a frooglepoopillion dollars. I'm embarrassed to tell people where I work." Dogbert responds, "Never be afraid to tell the truth about yourself." Dilbert asks, "Because honesty is the best policy?" Dogbert replies, "Because no one pays any attention to what you say."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eating tongue, flaming squirrels, project, sanity check, meeting, sanity for project, business

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In a meeting, an employee turns to The Boss and says, "I called this meeting o do a sanity check on my project." The employee yells, "Flaming squirrels are eating my tongue!!!" The employee turns to Alice and asks, "What?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business reporter, wall times post gazette, new product line, nick name for ceo

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Dilbert answers his work phone, "Hi, this is Dilbert." The voice on the other end says, "Hi, I'm a business reporter for the Wall Times Post Gazette." The reporter says, "I'm doing a story about how dumb.. I mean dynamic... your new product line is." Dilbert comes home and tells Dogbert, "Then he promised not to print the amusing nickname I have for our CEO." Dogbert responds, "You are so dynamic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags functions to outsorce, dont do well, management, sales, quality control, core competenece, brown table startegy, business

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags psychics on televison, software testing staff, one medium, punish them

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"I've noticed that deadd people know a lot. They're always yapping to psychics on television." "We could kill the entire software-testing staff and replace them with one medium." "Do you see any problem with that?" "If the dead people lie, how would we punish them?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags process of getting approval, hard way, meeting, no direct answers, business

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The man who couldn't give direct answers. Alice: "Did you ask your boss for approval?" Man: "Now i will explain the process for getting approval." Alice: "Do you want to do this the hard way?" Man: "First, you ask for a meeting."