Emperor Has No Clothes Comic Strips - Page 87
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Wally: I'm practicing my urgent-looking walk. This walk says I'm working on stuff that is so important I can't risk wasting five seconds. Coworker 1: Who is that magnificent creature? Coworker 2: That man has someplace to be!
Boss: When I said you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have... I shouldn't have needed to be more specific than that. Wally: You have a way of making everything sound like it's my fault.
Dilbert; I'm looking for the Elbonian embassy. Elbonian: You found it. It's just me and this card table. If you need asylum, pull up a chair. Dilbert: Has anyone ever called you and "embacile?" Elbonian: That's clever. I like it.
Boss; Don't make any product changes without change orders. When users ask for new features, direct them to the online change order system. Dilbert: That system only has the old forms. Boss: Tell someone to put the new ones on there. Wally: That would require a change order. Dilbert: Maybe we could tell users our sense of hope was killed by something called management. The we could sort of slump over like we're waiting for death's cold embrace. Boss: I'll get back to you if I think of a better plan.
Dilbert: Behold my new invention, the likes of which the world has never seen. Dogbert: Behold my Google search engine that will find several existing products that do whatever that thing does. Dilbert: Please don't. Dogbert: Google: crushing dreams since 1998. click click click
Wally: Our competitors have technology for reading brain waves at a distance. This shielded helmet will prevent them from reading the company secrets in your mind. You owe me $20. Dilbert: The bet was that he has to wear the trash can for a week.
Dilbert: What's that awful smell? Wally: My new fragrance. It's half pepper spray and half gym sock. It has a dual purpose. The pepper spray is so I can build up an immunity to it. Dilbert: That'll probably come in handy someday. Wally: Right? The second purpose is to crate an odiferous moat around me to discourage the weaker romantic applicants. Carol: Unh!!! Wally: I might need to tweak the formula.
Dilbert: I discovered that the customer for our fleet sale of commercial drones is an international terrorist. Now we have to cancel the order, take a big hit to earnings, and decimate the value of your stock options in the company. CEO: Or... I could transfer you to a department that has a poor safety record and hope for the best.
Dilbert: Does anyone have an objection to this plan? Coworker: In my opinion, there are too many potential problems. Dilbert: This system has been used for years in other places and works fine. Coworker: There is still a non-zero chance of problems. Dilbert: By that logic, we should get rid of hospitals because sometimes they make mistakes. Coworker: Gaaa!!! I just realized I'm an idiot! Dilbert: You can still lead a normal life. Wally: It only stings for a minute.