Feel More Optimistic Comic Strips - Page 87
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Dogbert the Pitchman Dogbert says, "Fire up the reality distortion field as soon as I'm introduced." Dogbert says, "Our product is nothing but a block of wood, and yet you need three of them." Man says, "I am a creative individual who does as he is told." Man 2 says, "I can't feel my arm!"
The Boss says, "Don't be afraid of change, Asok." Asok says, "Okay. Wait. What?" Asok says, "You subtle implication is that I should change to be more like you!" The Boss says, "Bumpy start." Asok says, "I choose death!"
The Boss says, "Carol, how can I make you feel more inspired by your work?" Carol says, "I'm an admin, you steaming log. The only thing that would inspire me is finding your corpse floating in my worst enemy's drinking water." The Boss says, "It's just something they make me ask." Carol says, "Can I get back to my meaningless work now?"
The Boss says, "The customer is an attractive young woman. You'll need to bring a handsome man with you to translate." The Boss says, "The translator will repeat everything you say, word for word, but he'll say it more handsomely." Dilbert says, "Hi." Customer says, "What's he jabbering about?"
The Boss says, "Wally, have you made any progress coding your module?" Wally says, "Progress is difficult to measure in the software realm." Wally says, "You could measure the lines of code I produce, but that would reward inefficiency." Wally says, "The art of this job is binding the rare moments of inspiration to knowledge and machines." Wally says, "In fact, just a minute ago I could feel the inspiration welling up inside me." Wally says, "But then you interrupted me with your naive question and the moment was lost." Wally says, "Maybe you should go back to your office and reflect on the damage you've done here today." Wally thinks, "There goes the one person who has less of a real job than I do."
Wally says, "I'm taking your advice to be more entrepreneurial at my job." Wally says, "Failing 90% of the time is very similar to not trying at all. I'm pretty sure you won't be able to tell the difference." Wally says, "Which one am I doing now?"
Wally says, "A Swedish study in 2009 showed that people with bad bosses had 40% more heart attacks." Coworker says, "Aaak!!!" Wally says, "I should want you that I'll probably tell this story a few times."
The Boss says, "My job is to create an environment where employees feel safe taking risks." The Boss says, "My other job is punishing employees who make any kind of mistake." The Boss says, "My point is that I'm glad I don't have your job."
Dilbert says, "Sorry, I didn't have time to get the information you asked for." Woman says, "You're saying that for an entire week, every single thing you did was more important than my ten-minute request?" Dilbert says, "Yes, but the way I said it doesn't make me think of a broomstick."