Next Year Comic Strips - Page 87
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881 Results for Next Year
View 861 - 870 results for next year comic strips. Discover the best "Next Year" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday January 24,
2021
Bad Qualities Cancel Out
Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, qualities, character, cancel, micro-manage, lazy, backstabbing, brave, lie, credibility, believe, employees, success, manager, random, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.
Thursday January 28,
2021
Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person
Tags business ethics, managers & supervisors, business, disabled, token, gay, homosexual, celebrate, employment
Transcript
boss: ted, the company wants to celebrate you as the first disabled gay person to hold this job. ted: but... i'm neither gay nor disabled. boss: the celebration is next week, so you have plenty of time to fix that.
Monday February 01,
2021
Blaming The Last Manager
Tags business, managers & supervisors, wrong, fault, manager, inherited, problem, excellent, leadership
Transcript
boss: everything that went wrong this year was the fault of the prior manager. i inherited his problems. dilbert: but everything that went right was because of your excellent leadership? boss: no jumping ahead.
Tuesday February 02,
2021
General Incompetence
Tags business, technology, project, success, expectations, destroy, incompetent, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: in summary, my project was successful beyond all expectations. Colleague: my relative lack of success this year makes me hate you and want to destroy you. dilbert: what's stopping you? colleague: general incompetence. same thing that killed all of my projects.
Thursday March 11,
2021
Pandemic Vacation Days
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, company policy, video conference, vacation day, vacation, company rule, pandemic, go, solve, problem, laptop
Transcript
boss and dilbert on video conference call. boss: human resources is on my back to make sure everyone uses their vacation days this year. it's a company rule. dilbert: what's the point of a vacation if we can't go anywhere because of the pandemic? boss: i'm only trying to solve my own problem here.
Friday March 12,
2021
Deep Fake Zoom
Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, video conference, zoom, call, deep fake, program, generic, employee, work, sarcasm, cell phone, laptop
Transcript
dilbert looking at phone on couch at home. dogbert: i thought you said you had a zoom call that would last for hours today. dilbert: i built a "deep fake" version of myself to take zoom calls and say generic employee stuff. next slide is boss in from of laptop on video call. boss: dilbert, do you have anything to add? dilbert: i don't know if i'm working hard or hardly working. har-har!
Sunday March 14,
2021
Loud Using Zoom
Tags business, technology, zoom, mortgage, loud, noise, calls, war, blackmail, surprise, laptop, imagine
Transcript
dogbert: can you please stop talking so loudly on your zoom calls?!!! dilbert at home in front of laptop: i'm sorry, but i pay the mortgage, and i have a right to make as much noise as i want in my own house. dogbert: oh, wow. did you really play the "mortgage card" on me? dogbert: this is war! wait until you see what i do in the background of your next zoom call. i don't want to ruin the surprise, but think of the number-one worst thing you can imagine me doing. are you picturing it in your mind? it's bad isn't it? now imagine at the same time i also start doing the second-worst thing you can imagine. dilbert: noooo!!!!
Sunday April 04,
2021
Taking Time Off
Tags business, technology, video call, vacation, paid time off, critical, essential, system, migration, kidding, success, zoom, call, valuable, asset, engagement
Transcript
boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.
Saturday April 10,
2021
Pandemic In Year Two
Sunday April 18,
2021
Online Therapy
Tags business, psychiatry, technology, online, therapy, video therapy, social, isolation, awkward, bored, people, hate, pretend, hand washing, carrier, deadly, pathogen, normal
Transcript
dilbert on video call. voice from laptop: billing for your video therapy session begins now. dilbert: i'm worried that all of my recent social isolation has changed me. therapist: how so? dilbert: well, a year ago, i felt awkward and bored around people, and that was bad enough. now i hate them so much that i only pretend to wash my hands. i guess i'm secretly hoping i'm a carrier for a deadly pathogen of some type. am i normal? therapist: i sure hope so because i do the same thing.