Next Year Comic Strips - Page 87

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881 Results for Next Year

View 861 - 870 results for next year comic strips. Discover the best "Next Year" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bad Qualities Cancel Out

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Bad Qualities Cancel Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, qualities, character, cancel, micro-manage, lazy, backstabbing, brave, lie, credibility, believe, employees, success, manager, random, sarcasm

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boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.

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Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person

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Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, managers & supervisors, business, disabled, token, gay, homosexual, celebrate, employment

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boss: ted, the company wants to celebrate you as the first disabled gay person to hold this job. ted: but... i'm neither gay nor disabled. boss: the celebration is next week, so you have plenty of time to fix that.

Blaming The Last Manager

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Blaming The Last Manager - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, wrong, fault, manager, inherited, problem, excellent, leadership

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boss: everything that went wrong this year was the fault of the prior manager. i inherited his problems. dilbert: but everything that went right was because of your excellent leadership? boss: no jumping ahead.

General Incompetence

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General Incompetence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, project, success, expectations, destroy, incompetent, sarcasm

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dilbert: in summary, my project was successful beyond all expectations. Colleague: my relative lack of success this year makes me hate you and want to destroy you. dilbert: what's stopping you? colleague: general incompetence. same thing that killed all of my projects.

Pandemic Vacation Days

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Pandemic Vacation Days - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, technology, company policy, video conference, vacation day, vacation, company rule, pandemic, go, solve, problem, laptop

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boss and dilbert on video conference call. boss: human resources is on my back to make sure everyone uses their vacation days this year. it's a company rule. dilbert: what's the point of a vacation if we can't go anywhere because of the pandemic? boss: i'm only trying to solve my own problem here.

Deep Fake Zoom

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Deep Fake Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, video conference, zoom, call, deep fake, program, generic, employee, work, sarcasm, cell phone, laptop

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dilbert looking at phone on couch at home. dogbert: i thought you said you had a zoom call that would last for hours today. dilbert: i built a "deep fake" version of myself to take zoom calls and say generic employee stuff. next slide is boss in from of laptop on video call. boss: dilbert, do you have anything to add? dilbert: i don't know if i'm working hard or hardly working. har-har!

Loud Using Zoom

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Loud Using Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, zoom, mortgage, loud, noise, calls, war, blackmail, surprise, laptop, imagine

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dogbert: can you please stop talking so loudly on your zoom calls?!!! dilbert at home in front of laptop: i'm sorry, but i pay the mortgage, and i have a right to make as much noise as i want in my own house. dogbert: oh, wow. did you really play the "mortgage card" on me? dogbert: this is war! wait until you see what i do in the background of your next zoom call. i don't want to ruin the surprise, but think of the number-one worst thing you can imagine me doing. are you picturing it in your mind? it's bad isn't it? now imagine at the same time i also start doing the second-worst thing you can imagine. dilbert: noooo!!!!

Taking Time Off

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Taking Time Off - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, video call, vacation, paid time off, critical, essential, system, migration, kidding, success, zoom, call, valuable, asset, engagement

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boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.

Pandemic In Year Two

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Pandemic In Year Two - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, tired, face, familiar, exhausting, sorry, pandemic, coffee

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dogbert: i am so tired of looking at your face. i mean seriously, it's exhausting. pandemic year 2 dilbert: sorry. dogbert: well, you should be.

Online Therapy

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Online Therapy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, psychiatry, technology, online, therapy, video therapy, social, isolation, awkward, bored, people, hate, pretend, hand washing, carrier, deadly, pathogen, normal

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dilbert on video call. voice from laptop: billing for your video therapy session begins now. dilbert: i'm worried that all of my recent social isolation has changed me. therapist: how so? dilbert: well, a year ago, i felt awkward and bored around people, and that was bad enough. now i hate them so much that i only pretend to wash my hands. i guess i'm secretly hoping i'm a carrier for a deadly pathogen of some type. am i normal? therapist: i sure hope so because i do the same thing.