Next Years Award Comic Strips - Page 87

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

880 Results for Next Years Award

View 861 - 870 results for next years award comic strips. Discover the best "Next Years Award" comics from Dilbert.com.

Applying Math To Guesses

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Applying Math To Guesses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #employment, #business, #analysis, #discount rate, #installation, #maintenance, #project, #technology, #math, #guess, #sarcasm, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: how confident are you in your analysis? dilbert: very confident. boss: good. dilbert: unless i used the wrong discount rate, which is hard to know. boss: but otherwise, it's solid? dilbert: except for the installation and maintenance costs, which are wild guesses. and we don't know if we sized the project right, so costs could be double or triple. boss: it sounds as if you applied math to a bunch of wild guesses. dilbert: yes, but i got the result you wanted. boss: next time, just say that.

When To Reply To Boss Text

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
When To Reply To Boss Text  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #communication, #performance, #response, #review, #sarcasm, #spreadsheet, #technology, #text

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.

Can You Zoom Now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Can You Zoom Now - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #text message, #video conference, #zoom, #call, #response, #anger, #lack of response

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert sending text: are you available for a zoom call? dilbert thinking: he's typing something. nope, he stopped. okay, he's typing again. no, he stopped again. block of text: i'm available at 2 p.m. tomorrow, Thursday at 9 a.m., or next week any time after three, and now. dilbert sending text: perfect. how about now? dilbert thinking: answer coming. no, he stopped typing. ten minutes later: dilbert angry and yelling: answer me, you jerk!!! thirty minutes later: text answer: does now work? dilbert yelling: too late!!!

Medicinal Coffee

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Medicinal Coffee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addiction, #coffee, #health & safety, #medical, #side effects, #tolerance, #veins, #doctor

View Transcript

Transcript

wally in doctor's office: i drink so much coffee that i developed a tolerance for it. do you have any kind of medical-grade coffee that could take me to the next level? doctor: yes, but it has terrible side effects. wally: skip the details and shove it in my veins.

Ted Liked A Tweet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Liked A Tweet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employment, #managers & supervisors, #fired, #business, #twitter, #tweet, #hacked, #technology, #social media, #file, #lie, #plausible, #liked, #unacceptable

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: ted, i have to fire you for liking an unacceptable tweet seven years ago on twitter. ed: it..it..wasn't me. someone hacked my account, or maybe my finger slipped. boss: which lie do you want me to put in your file? ted: did either of them sound plausible?

Buying Tee Shirts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Buying Tee Shirts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clothing, #purchase, #retail, #size, #small, #t-shirt, #home, #shopping

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: do you like my new t-shirt? it's two sizes too small, but that's all they had. dogbert: wouldn't it be better to buy shirts that you like that are also the right size? dilbert: in theory, yes. but i have been buying t-shirts for years, and i don't recall seeing that option.

Ted Reimagined More

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Reimagined More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #employment, #unnecessary, #job, #budget, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: when i say we need to reimagine your job, it means we no longer need anyone to do what you have been doing. ted: do you mind if i ask when you first realized that my job was totally unnecessary? boss: it was four years ago, but you seemed happy, and we had the budget to pay you, so...

Motivosity Bucks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Motivosity Bucks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #working, #weekend, #employment, #bucks, #money, #motivosity

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: thanks for working all weekend to get the project done, dilbert. i award you two motivosity bucks. dilbert: i like real money better. boss: that just cost you two motivosity bucks.

Scheduling A Call

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Scheduling A Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #video conference call, #schedule, #call, #zoom, #facetime, #signal, #whatsapp, #voice call, #clock

View Transcript

Transcript

boss and dilbert communicating on video conference call. dilbert: let's schedule a follow-up call. do you prefer zoom, FaceTime, signal, WhatsApp, or voice call? boss: zoom dilbert: how about next tuesday at 10 a.m. my time, which is 1 p.m. your time? boss: i'll be on the road then, so you 10 a.m. will be my noon. but that's after the time change. boss: and i can't remember if i'm going to a place that change their clocks. dilbert: why don't we skip the whole thing because the call we are scheduling probably won't be any more useful than this one. boss: let us never speak of this again.

Increasing Training Budget

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Increasing Training Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #budget, #training, #research & development, #company, #bankrupt

View Transcript

Transcript

boss to tina: i'm planning to increase the budget for training by fifty percent next year. tina to dilbert: he didn't say anything about the other budgets. dilbert to wally: he didn't say anything about the budget for research and development. wally to alice: sounds like he's phasing out research and development. alice to asok: he wouldn't phase out research and development unless he knows the company is failing. asok to carol: the company must be going bankrupt. carol to boss: the company is bankrupt. boss thinking: i guess i don't need to increase the training budget.