Work Day Comic Strips - Page 87

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #self evaluation, #performance review, #core values, #honesty, #integrity, #Wally, #dishonest

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The Boss: I need your self evaluation so I can write your performance review. Remember to rate yourself on our core values of honesty and integrity. Wally claims he did no work this year. But he's so dishonest , so you can't be sure.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #40 hours, #everyone, #likes asok, #minute old, #new system, #work one computer, #extreme programming

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The Boss says to Wally, Dilbert, Asok, and Alice, "We're going to try something called Extreme Programming." The Boss continues, "First, pick a partner. The two of you will work at one computer for forty hours a week." Dilbert and Alice jump on Asok and cling to him. Wally says, "The new system is a minute old and I already hate everyone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #despartment, #normal scope, #over loaded, #flexible, #client driven, #outside of scope, #avoid projects, #cheerfully accept assignments

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A business associate asks The Boss, "Can your department do this for us?" The Boss responds, "No problem." The business associate says, "Really? It's outside of your normal scope of work and I know you're over-loaded." The Boss exclaims, "We're a flexible, client-driven organization!" Asok asks Wally, "Wally, how can I avoid projects that are outside of my scope of responsibility?" Wally responds, "Cheerfully accept the assignments and then never work on them." Wally continues, "It bolsters your claims of being overloaded while leaving you free for work that matters." Asok asks, "Work matters?" Wally replies, "Well, not to us." The Boss hands Asok an assignment and says, "I'm not even sure what they want." Asok responds, "I'll start ignoring it immediately."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #bad person, #crud, #despicable, #loathesome, #rehearsed, #walks with dog, #unethical

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Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dilbert says, "I work for an unethical company. Does that make me a bad person?" Dogbert replies, "You're loathsome and despicable. If crud were shoes, you would be the crud in the crud's shoes." Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting on stones in a field. Dilbert asks, "Why did that seem rehearsed?" Dogbert responds, "That's all I think about when we go for walks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2003's comic on:


Tags #construction bid, #award for job, #team of skilled craftmen, #ex wife, #truck on fire

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Dilbert holds a piece of paper and says, "Your construction bid is the lowest so I have to award you the job." Dilbert asks, "When can your team of highly skilled craftsmen begin?" The beaver responds, "I'll call you." The beaver is leaning over a huge book titled, "Excuses." He says into the telephone, "Day one: My ex-wife set my truck on fire."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #customers current, #future needs, #new design, #need to upgrade, #flaws in design, #flaws, #inetrface, #confounding, #crippling electric shocks, #guy with mullet, #marketing, #business

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "My new design will meet all of our customers' current and future needs." The Boss is sitting with two board members, one male and one female. The male board member says, "That's no good; they'll never need to upgrade." Dilbert responds, "Please don't ask me to put flaws in my design." The Boss says, "Flaws could work." The male board member says, "We need flaws." The female board member says, "Flaws, flaws, flaws." Dilbert grabs his tie in fear and says, "Please.... No....." The Boss says, "Make it freeze every hour." The male board member says, "The interface needs to be more confounding." The female board member raises her finger and says, "And..." Headline: Later. Dilbert is on the floor begging, "Please... No more." A voice from the meeting continues, "... And crippling electric shocks." Headline: Much, much later. The Boss says, "The help screen could recommend marrying an unemployed, shirtless guy with a mullet." The male board member responds, "That's marketing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #evil hr director, #flex time, #long hours, #eight to five, #unpaid overtime, #need to be flexible

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Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Catbert addresses a meeting, "From now on, the company will allow flex time." Catbert continues, "You can work any hours you like, as long as you're here from eight to five." Dilbert turns and says, "That's called unpaid overtime." Catbert replies, "And you need to be flexible to do that yourself, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #100 hrs a week, #ask for raise, #top secret facilit, #super genius, #resume, #honest, #take one, #know one

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An interviewee says to The Boss, "If you hire me, I'll work a hundred hours a week and never ask for a raise!" The interviewee continues, "I went to school at a top-secret facility for super geniuses; that's why it's not on my resume." The Boss says to Catbert, "And I'm sure it's all true because he says he's honest!" Catbert replies, "Apparently it doesn't take one to know one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #own luxury, #motor coach, #work and sleep, #parking lot, #best fanatasy, #tv

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Dilbert, Alice, and Wally are eating lunch. Wally says, "My fantasy is to own a luxury motor coach." Wally continues, "I'd drive it to work and sleep all day in the parking lot. It would be like paradise." Dilbert responds, "That's your best fantasy?" Wally says, "It would also have a TV, in case I woke up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2003's comic on:


Tags #strategy meetng, #value input, #administrative assistant, #global domination, #engineers, #gocce filters, #popcorn bags, #pantyhouse, #foot on pantyhose, #coffeee filter

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The Boss approaches Carol and says, "Carol, come to my strategy meeting." The Boss continues, "You're only a secretary, but I value your input." Carol exclaims, "I'm an administrative assistant!!!" As they're walking to the meeting, Carol thinks, "Chimp." The Boss thinks, "Bad secretary." The Boss addresses the meeting, "Does anyone have any strategic ideas for global domination?" Carol responds, "The engineers keep using our coffee filters as popcorn bags. That has to stop." Alice stands and yells, "If you ordered enough filters, I would need to use the foot of my pantyhose to make coffee every day!" As they're walking out of the meeting, Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm adding that to the list of things I don't want to think about."