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Dilbert sits in his chair reading "I Spy" and Dogbert sits on the hassock reading a book. Dilbert says, "I don't understand why photographers try so hard to get embarrassing pictures of celebrities." Dilbert continues, "Heck, I could just scan the celebrity photos into my computer and create any embarrassing situation you can think of." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the computer. Dogbert says, "I think Cindy Crawford should look more repulsed." Dilbert replies, "This is before we kiss."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "From now on, your raises will be partly dependent on an evaluation by your co-workers." Wally asks, "Hypothetically, if my co-workers got small raises then wouldn't there be more available in the budget for me?" Wally, Alice and Dilbert fall to the ground and fight. The Boss says, "That didn't last long, even by our standards."
Dilbert sits in a meeting. The speaker says, "Let's take a ten-minute break." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "I've got to use the restroom and get back before all the mingle groups have solidified." Dilbert stands in the bathroom and thinks, "Uh no, it's an air dryer, an unexpected delay!" Dilbert returns to the room and thinks, "I'm too late. All the minglers have formed impenetrable groups." Dilbert thinks, "I'll pretend to study the agenda so it looks like I have a reason to be alone." Dilbert thinks, "Everybody knows it doesn't take this long to read an agenda. Now what do I do??" Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead and he tugs on his tie. He thinks, "I've got to stand here alone, totally non-mingled, for five more minutes." Dilbert arrives at home looking disheveled. Dogbert asks, "Tough day at work?" Dilbert replies, "Just the breaks."
The caption says, "Their cars are always clean." A man polishes his car with a cloth. The caption says, "They write letters to express their outrage." A man sits at a table with an open newspaper next to him. The man writes, "Dear Editor, The funny pages is no place for sarcasm! Think about the CHILDREN!" The caption says, "They read the same book more than once." Dilbert sits in his chair reading a book and laughing. Dogbert says, "They are the people with way too much time on their hands."
Dilbert arrives at home wearing a headband with an antenna on it. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "The Boss is making us wear these things on our heads so he can give us painful shocks whenever he wants." Dilbert says, "I'm rewriting mine so it redirects the signal to Wally." Dogbert says, "I'm sure he'll see the humor in that." The Boss presses a button on his belt and says to Dilbert, "Okay, wiseguy, do you want more of this?!" Dilbert replies, "Maybe one more." In the background, Wally receives several electric shocks.
Dogbert sits on his pillow listening to the radio. Dilbert says, "It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe." Dilbert continues, "According to my calculations it didn't start with a 'big bang' at all - it was more of a 'phhbwt' sound." Dilbert continues, "You may be wondering about the practical applications of the 'Little Phhbwt' theory." Dogbert replies, "I was wondering when you'll go away."
Wally and another engineer bow to Dilbert as he walks past. Dilbert thinks, "My vast array of personal technology makes me dominant over the less-equipped engineers." Dilbert thinks, "I am superior to them all . . . With the possible exception of . . ." Dilbert says as he encounters another engineer, "Techno-Bill!!" Techno-Bill has even more electronic gadgets strapped to his body than Dilbert. Bill says, "Looks like somebody just had a fax."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "You've never accepted me in your family because I'm a little rat." Ratbert continues, "But I'll be testing a drug at the lab that will change that. No more little rat." Dilbert asks, "You won't be a rat?" Ratbert replies, "Don't tell me it's the 'rat' part that bothers you . . ."
The Boss, Alice, Dilbert, Ted and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our video game division has reached a sales plateau." The Boss continues, "Kids are spending more time outside these days. There's only one thing we can do." Dilbert asks, "Diversify?" The Boss replies, "Pollute!"
The Boss hands a sign to Dilbert, Alice and Ted. The Boss says, "As part of my program to use more humor at work, I'm asking each of you to wear a 'kick me' sign." The Boss tapes a sign to Dilbert's back and says, "I'll check later to see if you're more relaxed and creative." Later, the Boss says to Alice, "You seem to be taking unfair advantage of the situation, Alice." Dilbert and two male co-workers stand covering their groins and looking like they are in pain.