Computer Software Comic Strips - Page 87

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867 Results for Computer Software

View 861 - 867 results for computer software comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

Fetching Coffee

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Fetching Coffee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elderly, #engineering, #men and women, #office workers

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Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.

How Long To Make Ai

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How Long To Make Ai  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers, #engineering, #intelligence, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology, #robots, #humans

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Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.

Teaching Ai To Flirt

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Teaching Ai To Flirt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bank, #business, #office, #office workers, #robot

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dilbert talking to the boss. dilbert: i taught my a.i. software to flirt with humans. dilbert: by day three, i had fallen in love, and it drained my bank account to buy a robot body. robot: demand a raise you wimp! dilbert: help m

What If You Are In A Coma

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What If You Are In A Coma - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #cell phone, #client, #stupid, #liar, #insult, #understand, #die, #coma

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phone conversation dilbert: if you have any problems with the software, just give me a call. client: what if you die or you're in a coma? dilbert: well, in those cases i would not return your call. client: so you're lying about getting back to me. dilbert: no, i'm making a normal kind of generalization, which i assumed you would understand. client: okay, so now you're calling me stupid, and you're a liar? dilbert: if a liar calls you stupid, wouldn't that mean you are smart? client: fair point dilbert: thanks, i'm proud of it.

Dilbert Murders Robots

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Dilbert Murders Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #robot, #technology, #human resources, #bad behavior, #reboot, #murder, #plot, #erase

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dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.

Transfer Money To The Rich

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Transfer Money To The Rich - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #technology, #cloud, #social, #change, #transfer, #money, #low-income, #rich, #wrong, #efficient

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dogbert at laptop: now that i'm managing the cloud, it's time to make some social changes. i'll transfer any remaining money from low-income people to the rich. dilbert in bath robe: that feels wrong. dogbert: i'm just adding efficiently to the inevitable.

Dilbert Has To Upgrade Server

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Dilbert Has To Upgrade Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coronavirus, #business, #technology, #network, #upgrade, #server, #boss, #latency, #locks, #garage, #sleep, #face mask, #work from home

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dilbert wearing face mask and carrying computer bag: i'm going into the office to upgrade a server. according to my boss, reducing network latency is more important than my life. can i depend on you to not change the locks while i'm gone? dogbert: only if you sleep in the garage.