One Billion Comic Strips - Page 88
1000 Results for One Billion
View 871 - 880 results for one billion comic strips. Discover the best "One Billion" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share August 05, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Wally, I'm sending you to a conference for the world's top engineers. With any luck, one of our competitors will try to poach you. That will save me the trouble of firing you. You'll be going with five other people I want to get rid of. I took the liberty of updating your resume. If this goes as planned, you'll destroy one of our competitors from within. Like a hideous disease. Make me proud! Wally: It was the first time I ever felt useful. I didn't like it.
Share January 02, 2000's comic on:
CEO says...: The CEO is sitting at his desk showing a folder to the Senior VP. The CEO says to the Senior VP: "The research supports my strategy." The CEO hands the folder to the Senior VP and says: "You can read the research but don't make copies." Senior VP says...: The Senior VP is holding the folder with both hands and says to the VP: "I can tell you about it but you can't read it." VP says...: The VP says to the Assistant VP: "I don't remember the reason but I'm sure there is one." Assistant VP says...: The Assistant VP is sitting at his desk and he says to the boss: "There's no reason." The boss, Wally and Dilbert are in a meeting and the boss says to them: "Our strategy is a huge mistake but we have to do it anyway." Dilbert is holding a suitcase and says to Dogbert: "After I fall asleep tonight, please smother me with a pillow." The CEO is sitting at his desk and thinks: "My people love me because I manage with data."
Share February 06, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert tells the Boss while handing him some documents: "My tests prove our product is defective." While the Boss is examining the documents, Dilbert says: "Customers expect delivery tomorrow." Handing the documents back to Dilbert, the Boss says: "Our corporate philosophy is 'Quality is our primary goal.'" Dilbert asks: "So... you want me to delay shipment until we fix the problems?" The Boss answers: "No." The Boss says: "I want you to ship now so we can book the revenue." Dilbert exclaims: "GAAA! That's the opposite of our corporate philosophy!!!" The Boss replies: "Now you know why there aren't any rich philosophers." Reclining on the couch at home with Dogbert, Dogbert tells Dilbert: "There used to be one, but he believed I was a Swiss bank."
Share February 27, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert is carrying-out a presentation. He is standing in front of the attendees, next to a diagram. He says: "I'd like to start with a diagram." He points at the diagram and explains: "It's a bunch of shapes connected by lines." He continues: "Now I will say some impressive words." He says: "Synchronized Incremental Digital Integrated Dynamic E-Commerce Space." He asks: "Any questions?" One of the attendees raises his hand and asks: "May I have a copy of your presentation?" Dilbert stands alone, surrounded by white space and silence. He arrives home and tells Dogbert: "The results of my experiment are disturbing."
Share March 05, 2000's comic on:
Caption reads: "Catbert, evil H.R. Director." Catbert is sitting behind a desk in a throne-like chair. He tells Dilbert, who is sitting in a very small chair: "We've decided to give you a new personality." Dilbert is surprised: "What! Why?" Catbert explains: "You're current personality is non-standard." He continues: "You must choose one of the approved corporate personalities." Catbert presents the options: "The choices are sycophant, glad-hander, sadist, quantoid, prima donna, empty suit, or whining misfit." Dilbert says: "Empty suit sounds interesting." Catbert says: "Excellent choice. Here's the Spec Sheet." Wally asks Dilbert about the meeting: "How did it go?" Dilbert answers, reading from the Spec Sheet: "Same ol' Same ol'. You got that right!"
Share June 01, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Catbert, "I read this motivational book and yet the employees still have low morale." Catbert responds, "Maybe you have a defective copy. You should compare it to another one and see what's different." The Boss asks, "What if the second one is defective too?" Catbert replies, "Sheesh... It's like I'm doing all of your thinking here."
Share June 04, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert says to The Boss, "We sure have a lot of vacant offices since the layoffs." Dilbert continues, "I wouldn't mind having a nice office with an actual door. Why don't you let me have one?" The Boss responds, "Okay, take one." Dilbert shakes with anger and exclaims, "STOP TOYING WITH ME!"
Share June 07, 2002's comic on:
Catbert says to Dilbert, "The other engineers are complaining because you have a private office." Dilbert responds, "Maybe you should explain to each of them that life isn't fair." Dilbert is back in his old cubicle. He thinks, "Yeah, I guess it IS easier to explain it to one person."
Share June 11, 2002's comic on:
A vendor says to Dilbert, "Our new version is a step backward in quality and reliability." The vendor continues, "We're counting on your irrational need to have the latest version of every software product." Dilbert responds, "I hate your weasel guts... but I'll take one for home and one for the office."
Share July 13, 2002's comic on:
The Boss walks back into his office and thinks, "I'm refreshed from my vacation." The Boss sits in his chair and thinks, "I am calm and relaxed." Carol says, "Wally sat in your chair." The Boss' chair is being lifted out by members of the Cooty Squad. One of the Cooty Squad workers says to The Boss, "We'll have to burn your clothes too."