Job Offer Comic Strips - Page 88

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982 Results for Job Offer

View 871 - 880 results for job offer comic strips. Discover the best "Job Offer" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #logic, #false logic, #imagination, #managers, #review, #performance

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2016's comic on:


Tags #dating, #overanalyzing, #asking out, #relationships

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Woman: Do you want to go to dinner and a movie with me on Friday? Dilbert: That plan is poorly conceived. The best time to watch a movie is also the best time to eat. And what are the odds we want to see the same movie? You're a picky eater, so it would be a nightmare to decide where we both want to eat. One of us would have to compromise, and I assume it would be me. I'm offended by your offer to suboptimize my Friday experience. Woman: Do you have a better option? Dilbert: Nope. See you Friday.

Wally Gets Referral Money

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Wally Gets Referral Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bonus, #con, #deception, #hiring, #money, #referral, #scheme, #guest artist, #jake tapper

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Wally: Stop! Why are you here? Man: I have an interview for a job as an engineer. Wally: My name is Wally. Tell Human Resources I referred you ad I'll get a $1,000 bonus. Boss: Have you noticed that all of our new hires were referred by the same person? Catbert: Sounds like we found our Employee Of The Year!

Political Opinions Only Make It Worse

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Political Opinions Only Make It Worse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2016's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #speaking, #conversation, #Politics

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Man: Did you watch any of the debates? Dilbert: Stop right there. I'm barely clinging to the illusion that you're competent at your job. Don't talk about politics or it will only get worse. Man: Did you know China caused climate change by hogging the sun? Dilbert: And there it is.

Wally Waits For People

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Wally Waits For People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #responsibility, #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses

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Boss: You accomplished nothing this month. Wally: I'm waiting for people to get back to me. I believe it is your job to make sure those other people do their jobs. Boss: I guess I could talk to them. Wally: I'll wait for you to get back to me.

Boss Wears Virtual Reality Goggles

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Boss Wears Virtual Reality Goggles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #vr, #virtual reality, #deception, #laziness, #work ethic

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Wally: I convinced our boss to wear virtual reality goggles all day. Boss: Good job, Wally! I've never seen you work so many hours! Wally: reality is nice, but I find it limiting.

Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave

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Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #bereavement, #deception, #time off

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Wally: Does the company offer bereavement leave? Boss: Yes. Wally: Good, because I have hundreds of cousins that don't 'take care of themselves. Cousin Ronnie just fell off a shed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #scam, #death, #reincarnation, #con, #con artist, #ghost, #medical

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Dogbert: I'm starting a new business selling clothes to ghosts. My garments are made of the finest ectoplasm. Dilbert: Ghosts don't have money. Dogbert: They don't need money. I'm using a life insurance business model. If you pay me until you die, I will keep your ghost well-dressed for eternity. I also offer reincarnation services. Leave all of your stuff to me when you die and I'll give it back to you when I find the baby that got your soul. Dilbert: You'll be in trouble if your customers realize you're running a scam. Dogbert: If dead people start complaining, we've both got bigger problems than my scams.

Electric Car Business

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Electric Car Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #electric car, #scam

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Boss: We're getting into the electric car business. Dilbert: Why? Boss: Because it sounds impressive and it will take years for anyone to figure out we did it wrong. We'll have new jobs by then. Dilbert: Did you just turn my job into a criminal conspiracy?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2016's comic on:


Tags #executives, #robot, #technology, #fairness, #unfair, #golden parachute, #oblivioiusness

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CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.