Sit On Head Comic Strips - Page 88
1000 Results for Sit On Head
View 871 - 880 results for sit on head comic strips. Discover the best "Sit On Head" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert, Alice, Wally and Asok sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss will be joining us by speakerphone." Alice tells Asok, "This is an important part of your engineering trainig, Asok." Asok asks, "What do I do?" Wally explains, "When Alice presses the mute button, you make witty and sarcastic remarks." The phone rings. The Boss says, "Hello, everyone. I'd like to talk about the new compensation plan." Alice presses a button and points to Asok. Asok says, "Tell us some lies, you ugly, two-faced, hypocritical troll!" Asok continues, "I am Asok the Intern and I spit on your feeble compensation plan!" Asok continues, "I've found stuff on the bottom of my shoe that was smarter than you!!" He laughs. Dilbert and Asok walk out of the conference room. Dilbert says, "Next time, a bit wittier . . . And make sure Alice really presses the mute button."
The Boss says, "Alice, I'd like your input on something." Alice thinks, "Uh-oh . . . My intuition is activating the fist of death. Must . . . Control . . ." They sit at a conference table and the Boss says, "Our corporate culture is bad." The Boss continues, "I'm trying to find the cause." Alice replies, "Well, obviously the problem isn't caused by managers who have no self-awareness . . . So what could it be?" Alice continues, "The culture problem must be coming from the other direction. Some EMPLOYEE must be causing this problem!" Alice continues, "I think it's the guy in the mail room. His bad culture is infecting the rest of us." The Boss stands in the mail room. A man says, "If this is about that conference room full of mail, I don't know how it got there."
Dilbert and his mother stand in the kitchen. Dilbert asks, "What do you want for your birthday this year, Mom?" Dilbert's mother replies, "Oh, nothing. I have everything I need." Dilbert says, "Oh, c'mon. There must be something you want." His mother replies, "Well, one thing, but it's silly." They sit in chairs. Dilbert says, "You just name it." His mom replies, "Okay." Dilbert's mother says, "I'd like a home entertainment theatre with a fifty-inch screen, 'Thx' Surround Sound and a 600 KBPS satellite link to the Net so I can view adult pictures during the commercials." Dilbert replies, "I was thinking more along the lines of a new toaster oven." Dilbert's mother says, "Oh, that's exciting. I'll put it next to my other one and watch them fight it out." Dilbert says, "There's a real dark side to the information age." Dilbert's mother says, "Oh, and about the gift of life I gave you; you're welcome."
The caption says, "Job interview." Wally sits across from the interviewer's desk. The man says, "We're looking for a special kind of employee, Wally." The man continues, "Specifically, we like people with low self-esteem." The man continues, "That way we can bully them into working unpaid overtime." The man asks, "Do you think you're insecure enough to work here?" Wally replies, "Let me put it this way." Wally says, "Sometimes I pretend to choke in the cafeteria . . ." Wally continues, "Then when someone performs the Heimlich maneuver on me I spin around suddenly . . ." Wally concludes, "Just to get a hug." Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice asks, "Did he really say you're over-qualified?" Wally pretends to choke on his food.
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss thinks, "I dread this part of the staff meeting." The Boss says, "Let's go around the table and describe our accomplishments for the week. Wally?" Wally replies, "It was another week of amazing success in Wallyville." Wally continues, "On Monday I realized my left bun had fallen asleep." Wally continues, "I was shocked. The 'Boys' had always worked as a team before." Wally leans to the side and continues, "Thinking quickly, I shifted my weight to my right bun and hoped for the best." Alice says, "That's your left side, not your right." Wally replies, "That's the other thing; apparently the boys switched sides sometime during the night." The Boss covers his face with his hands.
Dilbert installs a panel on the wall. He tells Dogbert, "This security system cost a fortune but it's worth it." Dilbert says, "I put a camera in every room to deter any criminal activity." Dilbert says, "We may now go to the park knowing our fortress is protected." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. A man walks by carrying a lamp. The man walks by carrying a couch. The man walks by carrying the cameras. He thinks, "I can't wait to show my kids what I do at work." Dilbert says, "I can only think of one thing worse than having all of my stuff stolen." Dilbert says, "And that is having some of it returned." The thief walks by with the couch. He says, "This thing is hideous in good light."
The strip is titled, "Dogbert presents the life cycle of a business idea." The caption says, "The brain creates an idea." Asok, Wally, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Asok dreams about a woman. The caption says, "The mouth - operating independently of the brain - creates words." Asok says, "Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams." The caption says, "The words are written on large paper." Dilbert writes, "Let's form synergy," on an easel pad. He thinks, "Idiot." The caption says, "The large paper is delivered to a bitter secretary." Dilbert hands Carol the paper and says, "Please?" Carol growls. The caption says, "The secretary types it." Carol types, "Let's . . . form . . . protein . . . symphony reactionary . . . teens." She thinks, "Close enough." The caption says, "The typed notes are delivered to the staff." Someone hands Wally a copy of the notes. He points to the wastebasket and says, "Drop it in the 'to do basket.'" The caption says, "Repeat." Asok sits at his desk dreaming about a woman.
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Here are some money-saving tips from headquarters." The Boss reads from a list, "'When calling long distance, use short words." The Boss continues to read, "'If everyone did this, our fifty-billion dollar company could save nine hundred dollars per year.'" The Boss reads, "'Tip two: For faxes, use Sans Serif fonts. They transmit faster. Annual saving could exceed three hundred dollars." The Boss says, "Next item on the agenda, remember I'll be in Switzerland next week on a fact-finding trip." The Boss continues, "If you need to call me at my four star hotel, be sure to use short words." Dilbert whispers to Alice, "You might want to save those short words until he's on his clue-finding trip." The Boss stands in his hotel room in Switzerland. He holds the phone and listens to someone cursing on the other end. He says, "Those are NOT all short words."
Wally, Alice and Dilbert sit at a table in a restaurant. The waitress hands them the check and says, "Thank you. Please come again." The waitress thinks, "After I'm dead." Dilbert says, "If we each put in twelve dollars, that will give her a healthy fourteen percent tip." Wally says, "The service was excellent. I'll put in a little extra." Dilbert and Alice say, "Me too." Dilbert counts the money and says, "That gives us . . . Um . . . Only thirty-four dollars." Dilbert says, "One of us is a cheap, lying, unscrupulous weasel." They look at each other. Dilbert says, "Or maybe the service was bad." Wally says, "She didn't smile enough." Alice says, "Same as last week."
Asok, Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Asok says, "Lately I've been feeling discouraged about my job." Alice says, "You should talk to our pointy-haired boss." Wally says, "That'll cheer you up." Asok says, "Maybe you're right. All I need is a little pep talk from our leader." He leaves the room. Alice, Dilbert and Wally laugh. Asok sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You think YOU're discouraged . . ." The Boss continues, "I've been stuck in this dead-end job for years, grinding away, day after day." The Boss continues, "And all I have to show for it is high blood pressure and worthless stock options." Asok looks frightened. Dilbert and Wally stand behind Asok's desk. Dilbert says, "It's so gratifying to watch them grow up." Asok says into the telephone, "I need the number for Doctor Kevorkian."