Something Good Happens Comic Strips - Page 88

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View 871 - 880 results for something good happens comic strips. Discover the best "Something Good Happens" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #morale problem, #boss solutions, #knickname for group, #scatalogical, #involves monkeys, #meeting, #decide nickname, #suggestions, #business

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The Boss stands at the front of the room in front of an easel that says "Morale Problem." The Boss says, "I have a solution to our morale problem." The Boss continues, "We need a nickname for our group." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Can it be something scatological?" The Boss replies, "Ummm...no." Wally asks, "How about something that involves monkeys?" The Boss says, "I don't think so." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Oooh...but can it be something that's both scatological AND involves monkeys?" Wally walks out of the meeting and says, "It's hard to be optimistic when he's so grumpy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mandatory class, #windows, #training, #teacher doesn't know, #no computers, #uses box, #teeth as keyboard

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Tim stands at the front of the room. He says, "Welcome to the mandatory Windows NT class." Ted points to an easel with the words "Two weeks" written on it. "Personally, I've only been using a computer for...how long? Anyone?" Ted continues, "But a good trainer can teach any subject." Ted raises his hands over his head and says, "Okay, everyone stand up and stretch!" Ted continues to hold his arms over his head and says, "Or sit there and glare at me. That's good too." Ted holds a box upside down and says, "I forgot to reserve the room with the computers, so I'll use this box." Ted continues, "...and let's say this eraser is the moose." Dilbert sits with Dogbert on the couch and says, "I left when he told us to use our teeth as a keyboard." Dogbert says, "Ooh-yah."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vast wisdom, #evil sadistic, #obstructionists, #trust no one, #except the lazy

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Asok the Intern enters Wally's cubicle and asks, "Wally, may I tap into your vast wisdom?" Wally turns and answers, "Okay, but make sure you pull out before your head explodes." Asok says, "I've noticed that many employees are evil, sadistic obstructionists." Asok continues, "Do all the nuts work HERE by some strange coincidence?" Asok continues, "Or are most employees evil?" Wally says, "Don't focus on the evil, Asok." Wally says, "Focus on the few employees who seem good." Wally continues, holding up his hand, "THEY'RE the ones who will stab you when you're sleeping! Trust no one but the lazy!" Asok runs out of the cubicle yelling, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Wally calls after him, "I warned you to pull out."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security, #equipment removal, #authorization, #signatures, #turn tables, #sign form, #birth certificate

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Dilbert walks by the security desk with a computer part under his arm. The guard says, "Stop." The guard says, "Show me your "equipment removal authorization form." Dilbert shows him a piece of paper. The guard says, "This requires the signature of TWO employees." Dilbert hands the guard a pen and says, "Good catch. You'd better sign it so it's legal." The guard says, "This seems wrong... but I don't know why why." Dilbert says, "And I'll need to see your birth certificate" The guard says, "I don't have one." Dilbert says, "Then how do you know you were born?" The guard thinks, "I have baby pictures, but they could have been doctored by my alleged mom."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raises, #young employees, #few dollars, #buy small motorcyel, #crack cocaine, #be your mentor, #tickle my own fett, #perfect sat

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The boss sits across from Asok. The boss says, "Asok, I can't give raises to young employees." The boss says, "Because as soon as you get a few dollars in your pocket..." The boss says, "You buy small motorcycles a disappear in the night." The boss says, "I know that's a generalization." The boss says, "Some of you prefer the crack cocaine." Asok is mad. The boss says, "The good new is that I'm willing to be your mentor." Asok gets up and screams. Asok says, "Aaagh! I got double eight hundreds on my SAT!!! For what?!!" The boss walks Asok out. The boss says, "Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I tickle my own feet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation fairy, #rewarding, #blurry vision, #long hors, #no raises, #no cubicle, #hair coming out, #wally fairy

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THE MOTIVATION FAIRY: The Fairy is sitting on top of Wally's computer monitor. Wally says, "It seems like your job isn't very rewarding." The Fairy, rubbing an eye, says, "Vision getting blurry." Wally says, "Long hours. No raises. No cubicle." The Fairy says, "Hair coming out in clumps." Wally watches as the Fairy flies away. The Fairy, looking exactly like Wally, with glasses and an almost bald head, says, "He's good. He's very good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ad agency, #cat, #sarcasm, #like sarcasm, #laughter, #over done, #animals

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THE AD AGENCY: Pete Peters, holding up a picture of a cat, says, "This cat will say something." Pete Peters, holding up a picture of another cat, says, "Then this other cat will say, 'Yeah, right.' It's like sarcasm." The Boss howls with laughter, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Dilbert says to Wally, "This explains so much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales department, #die, #deaths, #bile, #quality control

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Man: Hello, is this the sales department? Elbonian 1: May you die a thousand deaths by choking on your own bile. Supervisor may be monitoring this call for quality control, Elbonian 2: Its good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #sneaking up on, #computer, #walk past, #muscles cramping, #technology

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The Boss peeks in at Dilbert in his cubicle and thinks, "Is that work? I can't see what's on the screen." The Boss raises one leg as if in the middle of walking and thinks, "If he sees me I'll pretend I'm in mid-stride, just passing by." Wally stands behind The Boss and says into his cell phone, "The small font is working." Dilbert says into his telephone, "Good." The Boss grimaces and thinks, "Muscles cramping."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stange, #beautiufl, #felling, #waves, #ecstacy, #positive reinforcement, #tingly, #soul, #good words from boss

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Alice says, "What is this strange and beautiful feeling inside of me?!" Smiling broadly, Alice says, "Waves of ecstasy are pulsing through my soul." The Boss thinks to himself, "This is why I only give positive reinforcement once a year." Alice's voice continues, "I'm all tingly!"