Pay Another Company Comic Strips - Page 88

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Dogbert's speakers bureau "I booked you to do the keynote speech for a big company." "They need a speaker who is so boring and uninspiring that their CEO's humorous skit seems less soul-crushing." "How large is the audience?" "1,500 victims."

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"We have a squatter problem." "We must make our empty cubicles appear occupied or else we'll lose them to other departments." "When we're done hosing our own company, can we start hosing the competition?" "Our customers are next."

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"In order to boost productivity, the company has decided that employees can not use e-mail on Fridays." "What if my highest priorities require e-mail? Should I waste my day doing worthless stuff?" "Geez, somehow you made a great idea seem ridiculous." "Yeah, that's all me."

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And now for another round of e-mail judo. "Let's see...This guy wants me to attend a meeting." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him I'm booked." "This guy wants some information." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him my hard drive crashed." "This idiot wants my input on his document." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him the attachment won't open." "Who's winning today?" "Not the people who sent me e-mail. Eee-yah!"

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Tags #busy, #make appointment, #always busy, #in between, #no time, #make no time, #unpredictable, #secretary, #shouts

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Dilbert: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "No, I'm busy." Dilbert: "When would be a good time for me to come back?" The Boss: "Come back when I'm not busy." Dilbert: "Aren't you always busy?" The Boss: "Heck, no." "Sometimes I'm in between doing one thing and doing another thing." Dilbert: "When will that happen?" The Boss: "It's unpredictable." "Ask Carol to call you when I'm not busy." Dilbert: "Carol, would you..." Carol: "I'M BUSY!"

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Company Lawyer "I did a trademark search on all of the excellent product names you suggested." "Every one of them is taken." "So I did a search on the names that weren't so great." "Those are taken, too." "Then I checked on the names iCrud, iPuke, EatDirtAndDie, and DefectiveProduct." "All taken." "So our new product name will be a combination of grunts and shrieks." "Like this? GrrrrrEeeyYaaa?" "That one is taken. Ours sounds more like a monkey passing a kidney stone."

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Don't feel bad if you only got a 3% raise; I only got 2% myself. "Can we feel bad that 2% of your pay is bigger than 3% of our pay?" "Don't get all mathy on me."

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"Your blog has become an embarrassment to the company." "You have failed me. Now you must pay the price." "Oh, crud. I need you to call the facilities department for me...and come back tomorrow." snap

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Tags #absurd aasignments, #cartoonist, #comic embarrasing, #cubicle, #evaluate technology, #fire him, #no economical applaication, #new job

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Catbert: We have a report of a cartoonist in Cubicle 45950. His comics might embarrass the company. "We can't fire him because it would look bad. You must give him absurd assignments until he quits." The Boss: "Your new job is to evaluate technology that obviously has no economical application." "Woo hoo!"

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You can't have a side job of drawing a comic strip about the workplace. "I should fire you for mocking the management of this company in newspapers." "Because then I'd mock you less?"