Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 88
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1000 Results for Dogbert
View 871 - 880 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday December 15,
2003
Tags watching tv, news anchors, report, tv cameras, shows, evil or stupid, heart disease, stupid, banter, stinks
Transcript
TV Anchorman: Researchers have proven that working with evil or stupid people causes heart disease. Ha Ha! I wonder if the amount of stupidness makes a difference. Your witty banter stinks today.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday December 09,
2003
Tags retired, do anything, all day long, banging head, earn money, social infrastructure, warm, tingly, sensation, guilty
Transcript
Dogbert: "It's nice to be retired. I'll do a-a-anything I want to do all day long." "I guess you'll be banging your head against a wall today, trying to earn money for the social infrastructure." Dilbert: "Do you ever feel guilty?" Dogbert: "Is it a warm, tingly sensation that makes you wag?"
Monday December 08,
2003
Tags trudge, work, earn money, lights on, shower is ready
Transcript
Dogbert: Wake up and trudge to work! Earn money so I can leave on the lights in every room. Dogbert: Your shower is ready, I turned it on last night.
Friday November 07,
2003
Tags lazy rich, new product, rebate, 1 million, banking on forgetting, great bargain, one person
Transcript
Dogbert: "Don't sell your new product for $29. Offer it at $1,000,029 with a rebate of $1,000,000." "People will think it's a great bargain when in fact it's just a huge inconvenience." The Boss: "And all we need is one person to forget to mail in the rebate forms." Dogbert: "We'll target the lazy rich."
Tuesday October 21,
2003
Tags guest cartoonist, rob the dinosuar, bob, million degrees, costume, you idiot, no pay, every has cotsume
Transcript
Whos todays Guest Cartoonist? Hi rob the dinosaur here! Today I want to.... cut! Your name is Bob! Sir, Its like a million degrees in here, Cant we take a two minute break? No! You'll do it until you get it right. you idiot! you have dissected me. no pay for you! I hate dilbert, SSH! HE'll hear you! Answer: Go to Dilbert.com
Tuesday October 14,
2003
Tags hate people, never allowed shoes, Dogbert, hows my walking, dial, 1800
Transcript
"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."
Sunday October 05,
2003
Tags 401k plan, afterlife, charisma, evil director, expected - value basis, free software upagrdes, high potential reward, human resources, math, odds seem low, reward you in aftrelife, seventy versions, education, business
Transcript
Catbert, the Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert: "Your 401K Retirement Plan will be replaced with a 401A plan." "The 'A' stands for afterlife." "You'll get no money in this life, but the company will reward you in the afterlife." Dilbert: "The odds of that happening seem low." CatBert: "Yes, but on an expected-value basis, a high potential reward compensates for low odds." "For example, how many free software upgrades would I need to promise you in the afterlife to make you work yourself to death this year?" Dilbert: "Seventy versions." "I resisted his charisma. But he got me with his math."
Saturday September 20,
2003
Tags can't buy happiness, expensive possessions, pople envious, tarde happiness for money, whacked
Transcript
Dogbert: "Bob, remember that money can't buy happiness." Bob: "But it can buy expensive possessions that make other people envious, and that feels just as good." Dogbert: "And you can pay to have people whacked." Bob: "Can I trade my happiness for some money?"
Wednesday September 17,
2003
Tags audio lessons, hundred million, showing up, performing ceo, be the person, buy audio lessons
Transcript
Dogbert: Would you like to make a hundred million dollars for just showing up at work? Dogbert: My audio lessons teach you how to become an underperforming CEO. $19.95 Step One: become A CEO> Step Two: Be the sort who would buy these audio lessons.
Friday September 12,
2003
Tags slither away, doomed project, assistant, teach you, manager skin, speaking metaphor
Transcript
Dogbert: "You need to slither away from your doomed project before you get blamed." Dogbert: "My assistant will teach you how to shed your project manager skin." Snake: "Yello!" Skeleton: "Ow! Ow! Ow! How's this so far?" Snake: "Impressive, but we were speaking metaphorically."

