Never Ask Comic Strips - Page 88

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #meeting, #agenda, #specific, #emotional, #statements, #work

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Dilbert, Ted and a woman sit at a conference table. Ted says, "Thank you all for coming. There's no specific agenda for this meeting . . ." Ted continues, "As usual, we'll just make unrelated emotional statements about things which bother us. I'll kick it off . . ." Ted throws his head back and yells, "There's never time to get any work done around here!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #newsletter, #clueless, #people, #clever, #typing

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Dogbert sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Well, there you are, working on your little newsletter for clueless people . . ." Dilbert continues, "You're probably thinking up some clever little fact that the so-called people would never realize on their own." Dilbert reads the monitor and says, "Let me see . . . 'If you are the only one talking then it is a clue that no conversation is occurring and it is time to leave."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 1992's comic on:


Tags #questions, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #newsletter, #clueless, #people, #technical, #marvel, #desktop, #publishing, #immense, #wisdom

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Dogbert sits at a desk typing. Dilbert looks over Dogbert's shoulder and asks, "What's this?" Dogbert replies, "I'm starting my own newsletter for clueless people." Dogbert continues, "Thanks to the technical marvel of desktop publishing, clueless people will now have the benefit of my immense wisdom." Dilbert asks, "How do you know who the clueless people are?" Dogbert replies, "They ask a lot of questions."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #hands of death, #protest, #movie, #boycott, #redhead, #hot tempered, #ignorant, #stereotype, #boycot, #pound, #pulp, #sean, #dennis

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Two men form a picket line in front of a movie theater showing a movie titled, "Hands of Death." Dogbert walks around the corner. Dogbert asks one of the men holding a sign, "Why are you protesting against this movie?" The man replies, "It portrays red heads as hot tempered and ignorant." Dogbert asks, "How many red heads are in the movie?" The man replies, "One. But the point is, red heads don't fit their stereotype of being hot tempered and ignorant." Dogbert says, "Actually, ignorance was never a stereotype of red heads until you brought it up here." The man yells at the other protester, "Sean, you idiot! I told you!" Sean replies, "Shut up, Dennis! I'll pound you to a pulp!!" As they fight each other, Dogbert adds, "And 'boycott' is spelled with a double 'T.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #model, #evaluation, #advantage, #hideous, #service

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Dogbert says to a woman walking on the sidewalk, "Excuse me, would you like to take advantage of our 'Model Evaluation Service?' Only ten dollars." The woman says, "Me? Gosh, I've never thought of myself that way. Yes, I would love to be evaluated." Dogbert says, "You're hideous . . . That's ten dollars." The woman looks angry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #investor, #financial, #advisor, #timid, #product, #window, #certificate, #deposit, #withdraw, #flying, #debenture, #trade off, #money, #fling

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Dilbert and the financial advisor sit at the table. The advisor says, "For the timid investor, I recommend our 'Perpetual Certificates of Deposit.'" The man continues, "They earn the highest possible interest. The only trade-off is that you can never withdraw it." Dilbert asks, "Why don't I just fling my money out a window?" The advisor replies, "Ah, you've heard of our 'Flying Debenture' product?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #common sense, #school, #todd, #scissors, #russell, #dont, #run, #aaagh, #left handed, #teacher, #hand

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Dogbert hands a man a pair of scissors and says, "Todd, show the class how you hand these scissors to Russell." Dogbert yells, "Don't run! Don't run!" Russell screams. Todd looks down at Russell, who is lying on the floor, and says, "Sorry, Russell. It's the teacher's fault; he didn't even ask if I need left-handed scissors."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #answer, #work, #body, #language, #discourage, #working, #ted

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Dilbert, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Maybe Ted can answer that question . . ." Ted thinks, "Uh-oh." Ted thinks, "They're trying to make me work. I'll have to use body language to discourage them." Ted puts a pencil up his nose and rubs his head. Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Never mind." Ted thinks, "It's working."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #advertising, #company, #underestimate, #intelligence, #apology, #accepted

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "I'm going to open the 'Dogbert Advertising Company.'" Dogbert continues, "Apparently, people will believe just about anything that makes them feel good." Dilbert replies, "Hey, don't underestimate our intelligence." Dogbert says, "I could never underestimate you intelligence." Dilbert says, "Apology accepted."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #newspaper, #employee, #bureaucracy, #fifties, #paid, #forgotten, #perfect, #job

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Dilbert says to a man sitting at a desk behind piles of paper, "Hi . . . Are you new here? I've never seen you before." The man says, "I'm the lost employee . . . I've been hiding in the bureaucracy since the fifties . . . Paid but forgotten." Dilbert thinks, "Wouldn't THAT be the perfect job . . ."