Service Business Comic Strips - Page 88
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1000 Results for Service Business
View 871 - 880 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 01,
2014
Tags cruelty, work ethic, human resources, feeling of inadequency, boost company profits, all weekedn, adequate temporary basis, business
Transcript
Catbert: My job in Human Resources is to instill in you a permanent feeling of inadequacy. Your only hope for feeling good about yourself is to work feverishly to boos company profits. If you work all weekend for free, I am willing to call you adequate on a temporary basis. Dilbert: I'll take it.
Friday August 29,
2014
Tags laziness, not caring what others think, total uslessness, key to success, discussion, employees, hoping it goes, business
Transcript
Wally: Asok, the key to success is not caring what others think of you. Coincidentally, that is also the key to being totally useless. The important thing is that other people can't tell which way you're hoping it goes.
Friday August 22,
2014
Tags employee fringe benefits, google, free bus service, telecommuniting
Transcript
Boss: I hired a guy who worked at Google because he said he was driven. Dilbert: Because they have free bus service? Has he shown up for work yet? Boss: I thought he was telecommuting.
Thursday August 21,
2014
Tags employee fringe benefits, google, free food, bus service, massages, smart, ambitious people, earplugs
Transcript
Ratbert: When I die, I hope to go to Google. I would spend eternity with free food, bus service, and massages. Dogbert: And you would always be around smart, ambitious people. Ratbert: That's okay. I'll bring earplugs.
Wednesday August 20,
2014
Tags language, lawyers, simple business deal, best work, backyard
Transcript
Lawyer: I turned your simple business deal into a flaming pile of excrement. It's some of my best work. I don't even understand it myself. Boss: Look what just landed in your backyard. Company Lawyer
Monday August 18,
2014
Tags conference call, deal, deception, employees, meeting, negotiate, telephones, business
Transcript
Conference Call Phone: Wally, can you take the lead on that? Wally: This is Ted. I just joined the call. I'll take care of that for Wally. Phone: Thanks, Ted. Wally: I'm crushing it today.
Saturday August 09,
2014
Tags friendship, managers & supervisors, netwrok, career, weird and creepy, send email, best friend, relationships, business
Transcript
Asok: Would you mind if I network with you to help my career? Boss: I would have said yes, but you made it feel all weird and creepy. Perhaps you could send me email that I won't read. Asok: That makes you my best friend!
Wednesday August 06,
2014
Tags create itself, execute, executives, obliviousness, strategy, succeed, meeting, emplyees, discussion, business
Transcript
CEO: We can only succeed if we execute. Wally: How is that different from saying we can only succeed if we succeed. CEO: There's also the strategy. Wally: Does the strategy create itself?
Tuesday July 29,
2014
Tags avarice, business ethics, stock market, stock split, dumb stock holders, fantastic prodcuts, money
Transcript
CEO: The board has voted to do a stock split. It came down to a choice between creating fantastic products or attracting dumber stockholders. One of those two things is easy.
Tuesday July 15,
2014
Tags business ethics, takes picture, flash spot, vision, place ads, little spot, huge personal violation, your privacy
Transcript
CEO: When someone takes your picture, the flash spot stays in your vision for a few seconds. I want you to figure out how to place ads on that little spot. Dilbert: That would be a huge personal violation. CEO: Bah! You said the same thing when we took your privacy.

