Desk Comic Strips - Page 88

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work out, company gym, jim the guard, exhausting, cow, milk, hamburgers

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Alice is in exercise clothes. She approaches Tina and says, "Come work out with me." Tina responds, "We don't have a company gym." Alice says, "Try having a conversation with Jim the Security Guard: It's totally exhausting!" Alice is at the security desk. Jim finishes, "... But a cow is not entirely full of milk; some of it is hamburgers!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags award, family haters, association, anti family practice

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The Boss is sitting at his desk. He opens an envelope and says, "I got an award!" The Boss reads, 'The 'Family-Haters Association' is proud to give you this award for your anti-family practices.'" The Boss hangs the award on his wall and thinks, "I hope no one reads it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil hr director, references, ex emplyees, mazy loron, rhyme

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Headline: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert sits at his desk. The phone rings and Catbert thinks, "Evil." Catbert says into the telephone, "I'm sorry, I can't give references for ex- employees." Catbert continues, "But if I did, it would rhyme with 'mazy loron.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags furniture psychic, old chair, passed

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Headline: Furniture Psychic. Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk wearing a magician's hat. Dogbert says, "Your old chair has passed to the other side." Dogbert continues, "He says you'll know what this means: 'Squeak, squeak." The Boss cries and says, "Yes." Dogbert says, "Your desk says, 'Thanks for the gum.'" The Boss sobs, "I need closure!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags actively isleads, hypocrite, marketing, table, talk to furniture, tell people, you mislead cutsomers, business

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Dogbert is standing on a desk, still in his magician's hat. Dilbert says, "You have to stop telling people that you can talk to furniture. It's not right." Dogbert replies, "You work for a company that actively misleads customers. How's that different?" Dilbert says, "We call it marketing, and we don't wear hats." Dogbert responds, "The table says you're a hypocrite."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pecking order, fool, stupid, Dilbert, coffee cup

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The Boss stands in front of his manager's desk. The manager yells, "You fool! How could you be so stupid!" The Boss approaches Dilbert and yells, "You fool! How could you be so stupid!" Dilbert picks up his coffee mug and yells, "You stupid coffee mug!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, headhunter, stock up, ceo, random upturns, make millions, changing jobs, legal, victims

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Dogbert sits at a desk. He says into the phone, "This is Dogbert the Headhunter. I noticed that your company's stock is up today." Dogbert continues, "As CEO, you can take credit for random upturns and make millions by changing jobs." Dogbert continues, "Ha, ha! Yes, it's legal. In fact, if you write a book, your victims will buy it!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags body double, despots, most successful, double, take hit, personal dress code, dress intern

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Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk and says, "You need a body double. They're popular with your most successful despots." Dogbert continues, "If someone tries to ambush you into making a decision, the double will take the hit." The Boss approaches Asok with a pointy-haired hat in his hands and says, "I want you to think of this as your own personal dress code."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags embezzelment, explain revenue, layoffs, sacrificing, worse than you, co worker

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Dogbert is standing on Dilbert's desk. Dogbert says, "You can survive the next round of layoffs by sacrificing a co- worker." Dogbert continues, "You must make your boss believe that someone is a worse employee than you." Dilbert is at a meeting. He turns to Ted and says, "Ted, let me explain revenue: it's like your embezzlement, but it's directed at customers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hire emplyees, qaulified, hore dumb people, motivation

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Catbert stands on The Boss' desk and says, "We can't afford to hire qualified employees." Catbert continues, "My plan is to hire dumb people and be angry at them." Catbert replies, "I forget - what's the word for pretending that people can change their basic nature?" The Boss replies, "Motivation?"