Guy Down Hall Comic Strips - Page 88

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View 871 - 880 results for guy down hall comic strips. Discover the best "Guy Down Hall" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #demand, #haggle, #prices, #pricing, #negotiate

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Boss: Negotiate with your vendor and get the price down. Dilbert: I don't know how to negotiate. I'm an engineer. Boss: It's simple. All you need to do is make an aggressive first demand and settle for less. Dilbert: How aggressive are we talking about here? Boss: The more aggressive the better. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Boss: Trust me. More is better. Dilbert: My opening demand is that you name me as a beneficiary on your life insurance police, mow my lawn, and die in traffic on the way home. Boss: You got the price down by 35 percent. Dilbert: I really hoped it wouldn't work.

Wally Likes Sitting

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Wally Likes Sitting  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #standing desk, #health, #sitting, #standing

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Boss: The company has authorized the purchase of standing desks for employees who want them. Wally: Literally the only good thing about this job is that I can do it while sitting down. Boss: How did you get to this meeting? Wally: Your chair doesn't have wheels?

Wally Is A Maverick

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Wally Is A Maverick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health, #standing desks, #standing, #sitting, #laziness

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Wally: I like to think of myself as a maverick. Let the trendy people brag about their standing desks. I haven't stood in a week. Dilbert: I have some bad news about your health risks. Wally: Should I sit down to hear it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #military, #office workers, #survival, #hero

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Boss: This is our new employee, Mark. Mark was a navy SEAL. He fought in three separate conflicts. He once fought off a hundred insurgents and saved a town. Show Mark how we roll at this company. Dilbert: Today I'll be reformatting my PowerPoint deck because someone said the design is not organic. Mark: What's that mean? Dilbert: It doesn't matter. I'll just push some things around and hope the guy who complained doesn't attend the next meeting. Mark: How do you survive this place? Dilbert: I don't like to use the word "hero."

Success Diminishes Other Guy

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Success Diminishes Other Guy   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ideas, #diminshed, #support, #stab me, #great deas, #discussion, #argument

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Ted: Your idea is great, but I plan to oppose it because I feel diminished by the success of others. Dilbert: Maybe you could support it now and then stab me in the back later. Ted: That's two great ideas you've had today. Dilbert: thank you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years

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Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.

Sunk Costs

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Sunk Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #big business, #logic, #loss, #deception

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Dilbert: The economics of the project have changed. We need to shut it down. Boss: If we stop now, the $10 million we already spent will be wasted. Dilbert: And if we stop later? Boss: The trick is to never finish the project.

Alice Mentors The New Guy

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Alice Mentors The New Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mentor, #mentee, #competition, #threat, #paranoia, #protege

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Alice: our boss asked me to mentor you. But don't expect too much from me because I see you as a competitor for my job. Man: May I have a mentor who doesn't see me as a threat? Boss: Why? So you can take my job?

Unplugged Server

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Unplugged Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #server, #obliviousness, #cell phone, #phone, #charging, #technology

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Dilbert: The network has been down all morning, but we found the problem. Some idiot unplugged the server so he could charge his phone. So, that problem has been solved. Boss: Great. Now can you help me find my lost phone?

Elbonian Interference

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Elbonian Interference - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hacker, #hacking, #trolls, #protest, #counter-protest, #obliviousness, #manipulation

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Dilbert: Uh-oh. I think we are being attacked by an Elbonian troll farm. They're organizing an employee protest against management and... a management counter-protest against employees. Luckily, no one here is stupid enough to... Boss: Down with employees!