Out Of Engineer Comic Strips - Page 88
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Dilbert stands outside looking at his roof and says to the garbageman, "I hope it doesn't rain until my roof gets shingled." The garbageman asks, "Why don't you use your personal chaos-driven climate control appartus to control the rain?" Dilbert looks at him and says, "I...uh...don't have one." The garbageman holds out a gadget and says, "Here, you can use mine. Just reset the randomizer when you're done."
Headline: Evolution Training. Dogbert is standing atop a stool with a pointer in his hand. Zoltar is standing in front of the class. Dogbert introduces him, "Zoltar is a graduate of this class. He will demonstrate speed evolving." Zoltar shows the class his talent as Dogbert watches from his stool. He shakes with clenched fists and grunts, "Unh... Errr...Hoo...Ahh." Dogbert continues to stare at Zoltar, who now has small hands growing out of the side of his head. Zoltar responds, "I hope you're staring at my new sideburns."
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We've had a rash of thefts. Be on the lookout for anyone who acts suspicious." Wally and Dilbert turn and face a coworker who says, "Can we cut this meeting short? The posters in the break room got me all motivated!" Dilbert and Wally watch as the coworker is escorted out of the meeting by the police. He screams, "Then why are they there?!!"
Dogbert is standing on The Boss' desk. He says, "I can analyze your employees' handwriting to find out who might steal." The Boss replies, "Has handwriting analysis been tested in double-blind scientific studies?" Dogbert responds, "Yes, but the scientists dotted their I's with smiley faces so I know they're liars." The Boss exclaims, "Wow!"
Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert reports, "The average performance evaluation for your group is too high." The Boss asks, "Do you want me to lower their ratings or their actual performance?" Catbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss is standing behind him with one arm reached out towards the back of Dilbert's head. Dilbert says, "This is starting to affect my performance." The Boss replies, "Why? I'm not touching you."
The Boss is sitting at his computer. He thinks to himself, "My powers of communication will inspire them to be better employees." Dilbert points at his computer screen and exclaims, "Gaaa!! He's using his powers of communication against us!" Wally looks on with a panicked expression. Asok walks past Dilbert and Wally's cubicles like a zombie. His arms are out- stretched and his body is stiff. He says, "Must work harder for no good reason." Dilbert and Wally poke their heads from behind their cubicle walls. Dilbert says, "We're too late!"
Dilbert and the woman from the gym are walking outside. The woman says, "We're such a mismatch that I doubt you'll ever improve yourself all the way to my level." She continues, "Maybe I could meet you in the middle by gaining thirty pounds and getting a terrible haircut." Dilbert and the woman sit on the bank of the river. She continues, "...Knock out a few teeth, wear stained clothes, chew tobacco..."
Dilbert says to The Boss, "Yes, the technology to clone you exists, but it's illegal to clone humans." The Boss responds, "If the cops find out, we can frame my clone for the crime." Dilbert replies, "That is so wrong." The Boss responds, "Why? He'd do the same thing to me!"
Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert says, "We need to have an all- company meeting to talk about the layoffs." Catbert continues, "You might get some hostile questions owing to the fact that they found out about the layoffs by reading the newspaper." The Boss stands at a podium. He says, "No, I've never noticed that I leave a trail of reeking slime wherever I slither."
The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "Ask the trolls in accounting to explain this charge." Dilbert responds, "Gaa!" Dilbert says, "Please don't make me talk to those trolls during budget season!" A headless man walks out of the accounting department. The troll standing in the doorway says, "Next."