Used Another Room Comic Strips - Page 88

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898 Results for Used Another Room

View 871 - 880 results for used another room comic strips. Discover the best "Used Another Room" comics from Dilbert.com.

Employee Engagement Survey

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Employee Engagement Survey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors

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boss: the employee engagement survey results are in. aaand...not a single person answered the survey. looks like we have room to improve. dilbert: have you considered bribery?

The Inexperienced Employee.

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The Inexperienced Employee. - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #criticism, #employees, #insults, #office workers

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Man: Let me tell you how to do your job. You need to get all the vendors in the same room and insult them until they offer you discounts. Dilbert: That sounds super dumb. Man: That's what they said to Galileo old man.

Dilbert Is No Longer His Name

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Dilbert Is No Longer His Name - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #gender, #managers & supervisors, #men and women, #office workers, #respect, #salary

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Dilbert: My name used to be Dilbert, but my boss ordered me to identify as a woman. That way he can claim he pays men and women the same. Woman: I just lost all respect for your company. Dilbert: That was going to happen either way.

Performance Versus Pay

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Performance Versus Pay - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angry, #big business, #employees, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #money, #salary

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Boss: I can't give you a bonus this year because we paid too much to buy another company. Dilbert: Are you saying my efforts and my rewards are no longer linked? Boss: Noooo. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying your compensation isn't influenced by your performance. Dilbert: That's the same thing! Boss: Teamwork means we all share the rewards and we all have to share the pain. Dilbert: Does that mean management won't be getting bonuses either? Boss: Now you've made it awkward.

Bad News I Can't Tell You

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Bad News I Can't Tell You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angry, #employees, #frustrated, #news, #office workers

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Carol: I have bad news. Dilbert: What is it? Carol: I'll tell you later. Dilbert: Why can't you tell me now? Carol: I don't want to start and then get interrupted if someone comes in the room. Dilbert: How bad is the news? Carol: It's bad. Very bad. Dilbert: You're making me crazy, how can I relax knowing some terrible news is out there? Don't tell me you have bad news if you aren't going to tell me what it is!!! Wally: What did I miss? Dilbert: I don't know!

Dogbert Designed The Simulation

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Dogbert Designed The Simulation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #simulation, #creator, #three dimensional, #avatar, #truth, #made

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dogbert: i didn't want to tell you this, but you're a simulation designed by a three-dimensional creator. and i'm an avatar used by your creator to interact with your world. dilbert: i refuse to believe that is true dogbert: yep. that's how i made you

Dilbert Murders Robots

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Dilbert Murders Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #robot, #technology, #human resources, #bad behavior, #reboot, #murder, #plot, #erase

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dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.

The Best Way To Succeed

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The Best Way To Succeed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #success, #delegate

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boss: the best way to succeed in this world is through hard work dilbert: is that the way you did it? boss: no, i used the second-best way dilbert: which is... boss: making other people work hard

Mindless Tasks

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Mindless Tasks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #despondent, #tasks, #mindless

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dilbert thinking: looks like it will be another full day of interacting with people i wouldn't pull out of a burning car even if i were made of asbestos. my only hope is to stay busy doing mindless tasks. dilbert: do you have any mindless tasks for me? boss: take one from the top of the pile.

Finding Qualified Engineers

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Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant

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interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.