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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcarts dating service, #Advice, #accomplishments;lishments, #hate men, #designated bragger, #humble, #potential problem, #makeup

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Dilbert is preparing for a date. He combs his hair. Dogbert sits on the bed and says, 'Women like men who have accomplishments. But they hate men who boast." Dogbert says, "I will be your designated bragger, allowing you to appear humble." Dilbert says, "One potential problem with this plan is that I have no accomplishments." Dogbert says, "If she isn't wearing makeup, we'll be honest, too." His tail wags.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bred, #work in cubicle, #personal life, #stealing, #good square meal, #square head

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The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, this is Rex Tangle, our newest employee." Rex is completely square, with flat sides to his head and torso. The Boss says, "Rex was specially bred to work in a cubicle." Wally says, "Looks like he'll fit right in." The Boss says, "Ask him about his personal life." Wally says, "Rex, how's your personal life?" Rex says, "I don't have one. That would be like stealing from the company." A little heart showing love floats above The Boss's head. Wally and Rex walk off. Wally asks, "So, do you eat lunch?" Rex says, "I would enjoy a good square meal." Dilbert and alice are sitting in the company cafeteria eating their lunches. Wally says, "Meet the future." Rex says, "Hello, you round pegs!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technical recomendation, #useless and weak, #decisions, #helvetica font, #wrong, #coach, #wally and boss, #desk

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Wally stick his head into The Boss's office he is holding a piece of paper. Wally says, "I finished the technical recommendation you requested." Wally gives the report to The Boss. Wally says, "At first I was miffed that you told me what recommendation you wanted." Wally explains, "It made me feel useless and weak." The Boss reads the recommendation. Wally says, "But rather than dwell on my powerlessness." Wally raises his arm, enpowered. Wally says, "I decided to find joy in the one decision that I CAN make." Wally says, "I chose a Helvetica type font. And I never looked back." The Boss says, "Oh, that's what's wrong with it." The Boss thinks, "I coach and I coach, but they still walk out of here all rubber-legged."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticize coworkers, #look smart, #nuts, #dogbert therapist, #weekly sessions, #run out of money, #vure, #therapy, #paid by hour, #fasle memory, #aliens, #psychology

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Ed lies in the therapy bed and tells Dogbert, " I criticize my co-workers to make myself look smart." Dogbert says, "Apparently it isn't working." Ed asks, "What do you mean by that?" Dogbert replies, "Nothing. Oooh. That reminds me to add nuts to my grocery list." Dogbert says, "I recommend that we have weekly sessions until you run out of money." Ed asks, "Can you cure me?" Dogbert replies, "No, I'm paid by the hour. I'll give you problems you've never even heard of." Dogbert says, "We have a few minutes today. Would you like a false memory?" Ed replies, "Maybe something with aliens?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new customer, #top 5 compnaies, #low price, #high margins

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An employee comes into the Boss' office with a man and says, "I'd like you to meet our newest customer." The Boss says, "You won't be sorry; we're one of the top five companies in this field." The customer turns to the employee and says, "I thought you said no one else makes this kind of product." The Boss interjects, "No one else makes one with so few features." The employee grimaces as the customer asks, "So...your strategy is low price, right?" The Boss replies, "No, high margins!" The customer grabs the employee by the collar and begins to choke him, screaming, "YOU!!" The employee's feet are propped up on the Boss' desk as the Boss thinks to himself, "I'd better ask someone what a 'margin' is."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #future of company, #project leader, #passion fro success, #extra pay, #vague preference, #allergy medication

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The Boss stands in front of a chart and says, "Our next product will determine the future of our company." The Boss turns and looks at Dilbert and Wally who are sitting at the conference table. He says, "I need a project leader who has a passion for success!" Wally raises his hand and asks, "Would that leader get extra pay?" The Boss replies, "It's not about money, Wally. It's about a passion for success!" Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and says, "All I have is a vague preference. How about you?" Dilbert puts his hand to his head and says, "Yes, I'm feeling something...Maybe it's..." The Boss looks frustrated as Dilbert says, "No, it's just my allergy medication." The Boss throws up his hands as Wally asks, "What was it like?" Dilbert replies, "It tingled."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eagles not ducks, #eggs, #pre reading

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The boss says,to Dilbert, Wally, Alice, "We must be like eagles, not ducks." Wally says, "For the eggs?" Wally says, "I didn't so the pre-reading."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #middle aged guy, #bad hair, #hair in pnytail, #coolest guy, #office, #raising bar

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Wally's hair grows long. Wally says, to Asok, "Watch this, Asok. I start out looking like a middle-aged guy with bad hair..." Wally says, "But simply by putting my hair in a ponytail, I transform into...." Wally pulls his hair back. Wally says, "The coolest guy in the office." Asok says, "Curse your for raising the bar for us all!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #venture capitalists, #web based, #business, #engineer, #cool ponytail, #good enough, #money, #suitcase full, #engineering

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Wally stands in front of his cubicle with his hair in a ponytail. Two men in suits walk up to him. The dark haired man says, "Wally we're venture capitalists. We want to invest in your web-based business." Wally says, "I don't own a web-based business. I'm just an engineer with a cool ponytail." Man 1 says, "That's good enough for us." He offers a briefcase full of money. Man 2, who holds a fistfull of cash, says, "We like to get in early."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carol on phone, #yell kids, #key to cabinet, #supply cabinet, #cheetah, #panda, #jungle, #office

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Dilbert peers over his cubicle wall. Dilbert thinks, "As usual, Carol is on the phone yelling at her kids." Wally also peers over his partition. Dilbert thinks, "I wait, like a cheetah, for a chance to ask her for the key to the supply cabinet." Dilbert says, to Wally, "Are you waiting like a cheetah?" Wally says, "I'm more of a panda."