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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new director, first impressions, office in lobby, nearest growler, directions, information booth, directs

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The Boss: Carol, I'm making you our new director of first impressions pro team! Carol: My years of hard work have finally paid off! Im a dierctor! Carol: Why is my office in the lobby? Can you direct me ti the nearest growler?

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags landing, hard landing, no oparachute, mud, elbonia, glasses, suitcase, jumped, plane

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Wally: I hate landing in Elbonia. "Whump!!!" wally: "Hi. I'm from America and I'm hree to help."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dont worry, high crime area, experts assure you, gange members, exhautsed, beat up

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CAtbert: Don't worry that the company is moving to a high-crime area. "My experts assure me that you'll have a 90% chance of survival every time you walk outside." "That estimate depends on the assumption that the gang members become exhausted from beating you up."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags software integration, coworkers, misundertsanding, abuse, insisting on defense, what i think, halluciante

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Tina: "How can you think that the software integration project is a waste of time??!" Dilbert: "I don't.' "But if history is my guide, you will abuse the next hour of my life by insisting that I defend your misunderstanding of what I think." Tina: "So why do you think it's a wast eof time?" Dilbert: "Do you mind if I work while yo uhallucinate?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hating software, integration project, hate it, simply mentioned, pros and cons, balanced anaysis, hatred

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The Boss: What's this I hear about you hating the software integration project? Dilbert: "I don't hate it. I simply mentioned both the pros and cons. People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred." The Boss: "How can you hate it so much???!!" Dilbert: "This is one of those days when it's hard to be me."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags brand, company name, finding a team, reputation, new stadium

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Our marketing plan was to find a sports stadium to brand with our company's name. "The hard part was finding a team so jiuced up that our reputation seemed good in comparison." "How do you feel about the new stadium name?" "Rage. Same as always."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags five star restaurant, lunch, food so good, once in a lifetime, not invited, stay back, answer phones

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The Boss: "Carol, I decided to take the entire staff out to a five-star restaurant for lunch." "The food is so good that it's almost intoxicating. When paired with the right wine, the experience is a once-in-a-life-time sensation." "While we're gone, you'll need to answer everyone's phone."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags design one microchip, dozens of meetings, manager

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The boss: "All you did this quarter is design one microship." "In comparison, I found the time to attend dozens of meetings." "Now do you see what it takes to be a manager?" "Sadly, yes."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags inspirational, failed to motivate, cowowrkers, sabotage career

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Wally; "Once again you have failed to motivate me." Wally: "I don't want to become like my coworkers, always plotting ways to sabotage your career." Wally: "Now would be a good time for you to say something inspirational."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, help balancing, personal life, no love, sound sunhealthy, pill crybaby, business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. "I need help balancing my career with my personal life." "I recommend a book called "No one will ever love you." It'll crush your hope for a personal life and free up more time for work." "That sounds unhealthy." "Take a pill, crybaby."