Way Of Saying Fired Comic Strips - Page 89

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View 881 - 890 results for way of saying fired comic strips. Discover the best "Way Of Saying Fired" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #assumption, #business ethics, #buy prodcuts, #corporate strategy, #corporation, #customer centric, #etiquette & ethics, #evil, #executives, #ideas, #marketing campaign, #monopoly, #needs, #needs of customers, #psychological manipulation

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CEO: I welcome any input on our corporate strategy. Dilbert: I think we need to be more customer-centric. CEO: You mean raise our prices? Dilbert: I mean focus on the needs of our customers. CEO: You mean we should be a monopoly so they need us? Dilbert: Um, no. We should find out what they need and then give it to them. CEO: They need to buy our products. Dilbert: They probably don't. CEO: So you're saying our marketing campaign should use psychological manipulation to make people think they need our products. You finally had a good idea. Dilbert: I'm going to stop talking now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #not caring what others think, #total uslessness, #key to success, #discussion, #employees, #hoping it goes, #business

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Wally: Asok, the key to success is not caring what others think of you. Coincidentally, that is also the key to being totally useless. The important thing is that other people can't tell which way you're hoping it goes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #bird poop, #cars, #incentives, #mass transit, #punishment, #worst employee of the month, #special parking spot, #big tree, #every bird, #firemans axe, #wallow in shame, #incentives dont work

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Boss: You've been named worst employee of the month. The honor comes with a special parking spot. It's under the big tree that every bird in the county uses as a restroom. By the end of the day, you'll need a fireman's axe just to find the door handle. As you chop your way toward the inner core that is your car, think about how you could have worked harder this month. You'll probably draw a crowd in the parking lot so remember to wallow in your shame. Wally: I take mass transit to work. Boss: Incentives don't work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employees, #learn from coworkers, #busy worers, #request, #no one helps, #learning, #business

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Boss: Asok, the best way to advance your career is by learning as much as you can from co-workers. Asok: Can you show me what you are doing? Alice: Come back in ten years when I'm not busy. Asok: No one will help me learn anything. Boss: You learned that!

Zig Zag

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Zig Zag - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #executives, #insubordination, #leadership, #zigzag, #insanity, #fired

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CEO: The secret to being a great leader is to zig when others zag. Dilbert: Coincidentally, that is the same strategy used by the insane. CEO: I should fire you for your insubordination. Dilbert: Or you could zig.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #analogies, #creativity, #haters, #ideas, #trapped ideas, #attract haters, #zombies to fish syicks, #analogy, #great ideas

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Dilbert: My best ideas are trapped in my head. Whenever I voice my ideas, I attract haters like zombies to fish sticks. Wally: IS that analogy one of your great ideas? Dilbert: I don't like the way you asked that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #Family, #husbands, #priorities, #work ethic, #balancing, #trash talk, #guilty, #busywork, #husband, #relationships

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Boss: Carol, I know it isn't easy balancing your work duties and your family. So I thought it would help if I trash-talk your family. That way you won't feel so guilty when you ignore them to do my busywork. I'll start with your husband. Carol: Don't bother. I got that one covered.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employees, #honesty, #lying, #morale, #punishing honesty, #100% perfect, #business

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Temporary Robot Boss. Robot: Is it just my simulated imagination or are all of the employees lying to me all the time? Catbert: We trained them to be that way by punishing honesty. Robot: How is you project coming along? Alice: 100% perfect! Couldn't be better!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2014's comic on:


Tags #annoy, #annoyance, #corpse, #escalade, #experience, #inexperience, #murder, #premeditated murder, #prototype, #scientific, #strangle, #boss

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Inexperienced Guy. Coworker: Can you answer some questions about our product prototype? Alice: No, but I would be happy to strangle you with your own lanyard and put your corpse in my boss' Escalade to frame him for the crime. Coworker: That scenario is alarmingly specific. Alice: For this sort of thing, premeditated is the way to go.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #intern, #interns, #Promotion, #promotions, #no career path, #internship, #business

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Asok: Is it my imagination or is there no career path here from intern to anything else? Catbert: If we promote you, we just have to find another intern. No one wins in that scenario. Asok: Actually, I would be the winner in that scenario. Catbert: I've never thought of it that way and I don't like it.