Zero Time Left Comic Strips - Page 89
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Dilbert: I worked all night to finish the assignments on time. The Boss: Toss it on the pile. Dilbert: I'd feel better if you used a different choice of words." The Boss: Plop it on the top.
Wally says, "I took a class on being less useless. Now I see the world in a different light." Wally says, "For example, I recognize these staff meetings as colossal wastes of time, but there's nothing I can do about them." Wally says, "Now my helplessness makes my uselessness seem unimportant."
Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Rumor Control Service." Dogbert says, "People are saying Ted is an exotic male dancer on weekends. I know it isn't true because he spends all of his free time in a terrorist training camp." Alice says, "Isn't that worse?" Dogbert says, "I get paid per rumor. It's not a perfect system."
Dilbert says, "I'm in charge while our pointy-haired boss is on vacation." Dilbert says, "I expect each of you to be professional and productive during this time." Wally says, "Nice lying." Dilbert says, "I practiced in front of a mirror."
The Boss says, "Is everything okay since I left for vacation?" Carol says, "Better than ever." Carol says, "Counterproductive policies have been eliminated, and we are no longer victims of ignorance." The Boss thinks, "Man, I don't like the sound of that."
Catbert says, "I can't put you on the management fast track until I confirm that your moral compass is broken." Catbert says, "A nun, a CEO and a scientist are in a burning building. You can only save one of them. Which one do you save?" Dilbert says, "Is there time for a bidding war?" Catbert says, "Oh, you're good."
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Our concern for wellness is related to your job performance." Catbert says, "Obviously you won't be getting an ergonomically correct chair any time soon." Catbert says, "And feel free to type as hard as you want."
Wally says, "My security software kept insisting that I download critical updates." Wally says, "I didn't have time to do all that, and I couldn't risk using my computer without critical updates. It was a no-win situation." The Boss says, "Did you accomplish anything this week?" Wally says, "What part of 'no-win' is confusing you?"
The Boss says, "We inadvertently bought an entire ERP system without any software. Now we're out of money." Asok says, "Why do I suddenly feel like my boat is sinking and someone nailed an anchor to my head?" The Boss says, "If only someone on my staff could write the software in his spare time..." Asok says, "Glub glub glub"
Asok thinks, "My task is impossible unless I use my forbidden powers." Asok thinks, "Would anyone notice if I had a third arm for a few hours?" Wally says, "I lost my intellectual curiosity just in time."