Check Out Ass Comic Strips - Page 89

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #softening up, #employee satisfaction survey, #fire them, #purring

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Catbert: The employee satisfaction survey says they don't trust management. "Don't worry. I'll find out who feels that way and fire them during the next retrenchment." "Purr? Who said purr?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #harpoon, #ass, #secretary, #donut eating, #remove, #annual review

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"It's a harpoon. I see a lot of this." "It's caused by a combination of doughnut-eating and agitating a secretary." "Can you remove it?" "Yes, but it will just come back at Annual Review time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ex employee, #named ted, #company policy, #weather, #moving lazily

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"Hi. I'm calling to check the references of your ex-employee named Ted." "We have a company policy against giving references. But I'd be happy to discuss the weather with you." "Okay." "The clouds are moving lazily across the sky, and everyone thinks they're stupid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carol, #worst secretary, #fired, #involuntary termination form 904-b, #fill out form

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"Carol, you're the worst secretary ever. I have to let you go." "You can't fire me until you fill out the Involuntary Termination Form 904-B." "Can you get me one of those?" "Yeah. I'll get right on that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #what fresh hell, #eyebrows grow, #comb them, #asleep, #quiet today

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"What fresh hell is this?" "I'm letting my eyebrows grow out." "If I comb them over my eyes, no one can tell that I'm asleep." "You're quiet today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buy advertsising, #gullible world, #2 billion readers, #three readers

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Would you like to buy advertising in my new magazine called 'Gullible World'? "We have between one and two billion readers!" "Wow!" "I figured out how to make three readers sound like a lot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bed idea, #new sourpuss, #optimism, #leadership 90 5 opitimism

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"Meet our new Sourpuss." "I heard that every office has one. And we didn't, so I went out and got one." "Does anything ever sound like a bad idea to you?" "Leadership is 90% optimism."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #downsizing, #human way, #marketing ones, #giant dung beetle, #ball, #poor performers

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "The downsizing will be handled in the most humane way I could think of." "I hired a giant dung beetle to roll the poor performers into a ball and out the door." "I can't get the marketing ones to stick. They keep sliding off."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #resume, #teds, #shard printer, #people pleaser, #disloyal

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"Is that your resume?" "It's Ted's." "When the pointy-haired boss walks toward the shared printer, I print ten copies." "It turns out that I'm not a people pleaser." "Disloyal #!@*!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cartonnist, #breaks third wall, #toto, #follow yellow sticky, #notes, #fantasy

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"Uh-oh. Why am I still here? What's happening to me?" "I violated the third wall and now I can't get out!" "Dogbert? Is that really you???" "No, I'm Toto. We must follow the yellow sticky-note road." Continued