Take The Job Comic Strips - Page 89

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View 881 - 890 results for take the job comic strips. Discover the best "Take The Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #form, #signature, #anger, #frustration, #questions

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woman says, "You need to sign the corporate code of conduct." Wally says, "Wow! You're totally hot." woman says, "Um?That's inappropriate, and you need to sign the code of conduct." Wally says, "I don't have a pen, can you take it back to your cubicle and sign it for me?" woman says, "No. And I think you're lying about not having a pen. But maybe we can find one for you." Wally says, "See if Dilbert is in his cubicle, I usually take his stuff and blame the cleaners." woman says, "Just sign the #%!*! code of conduct or I will crush your stupid, bald head!" Wally says, "Do I need to read it?" Woman says, "No. Just say you did."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #acting, #lesson, #occupation

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The Boss says, "We don't have enough money to fund your project, but I don't want to downsize you and shrink my empire." The Boss says, "I hired an acting coach to teach you how to hang around the office pretending to be useful." man says, "Are you dead or just non-expressive?" Dilbert says, "It's called a 'job'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help, #Advice, #work, #fear, #job, #business

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Dilbert says, "In my spare time I came up with an idea for your project." Ted says, "Your idea is so good that it makes all the work I did for the past year a miserable mistake." Dilbert says, "You're welcome." Ted says, "I can't let you leave this cubicle alive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #sweat, #nervous, #rudeness

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Job interview Woman says, "I detect the flop sweat of desperation." Woman says, "I base my hiring decisions on who would make a good mate, and I would never want to give life to your sweaty baby." Woman says, "Do you see what I'm saying?" crumple Dilbert says, "Can I try again when I'm dehydrated?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #interview, #job, #employment, #humiliation, #business

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Dogbert says, "I bought the company that fired you. Now you can interview with me for your old job." Dilbert says, "You already know everything about me. An interview would have no purpose other than to humiliate me." "Dogbert says, "Since when do things need two purposes?" "Is Tuesday good?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #job, #running, #questions, #economy, #business, #Sports

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Job interview Dogbert says, "Would you take a bullet for the team?" Dilbert says, "Um?sure." Dogbert says, "Good. The team is already at the firing range waiting for you." Zing Zing Zing Dilbert thinks, "Stupid weak economy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #job, #hanging, #ridiculous, #humiliation, #business

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Dogbert says, "In your first round of interviews we tested your reaction to humiliation and small arms fire." Dogbert says, "In round two I will test your ability to keep company secrets." Ratbert says, "When are you going to tell him this is a courtesy interview?" Dilbert says, "What?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #interview, #disappointment, #humiliation, #business

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Dogbert says, "You survived the rigorous interview process, but there are no openings in engineering." Dogbert says, "However, I am prepared to offer you a position in sales." Dilbert says, "You mean a job?" Dogbert says, "No, just a position." Dilbert says, "This took and ugly turn."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #murder, #refusal, #reprimand

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "your boss says you refuse to do your job." Dilbert says, "he told me to kill a customer, assume her identity, and place a huge order with the company." Catbert says, "I'll transfer your to the collections department until you're willing to kill."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #orders, #leadership, #idiocy, #guessing, #confusion, #business

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The boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to take over Carl's function." The boss says, "He's already gone, but Ted can train you." The boss says, "Ted was sometimes in the general vicinity when Carl did the function." a cloud says, "Doom" Ted says, "Try clicking the red...no, blue...no, red button." Beep ted says, "Ooh, okay. I didn't expect that." ted says, "Now you either have to erase all of the servers or activate the fire suppression system in the clean room." Dilbert says, "What if I click 'Cancel'?" Ted says, "That's what killed Carl." Ted says, "Anyway, that's all I know. The rest is just common sense."