Never Ask Comic Strips - Page 89

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

927 Results for Never Ask

View 881 - 890 results for never ask comic strips. Discover the best "Never Ask" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #armchair, #foot, #time, #reach, #outlet, #cord, #hose, #grandfather, #invented, #clean

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert struggles with a vacuum cleaner. He thinks, "What idiot invented the canister vacuum cleaner?" Dogbert thinks, "I can only do about a foot at a time . . ." Dogbert pushes the vacuum cleaner and thinks, "Then I have to push this thing another foot." Dogbert turns to the reader and says, "Notice the tiny wheels which are designed to roll on any surface except carpet." Dogbert holds the electrical plug and thinks, "Now I can't reach the outlet." Dogbert thinks, "Then I get hopelessly tangled in the cord and hose." Dilbert enters the room and says, "Hi, Dogbert. Did I ever tell you that my grandfater invented the canister vacuum cleaner?" Dogbert says, "Come closer." Dogbert uses the vacuum cleaner to suck Dilbert's clothes off his body. Dilbert is left wearing only his underwear. Dilbert says, "That's probably why I never mentioned it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #dinosaurs, #robber, #dawn, #bob, #honesty, #bat, #flush, #swirly

View Transcript

Transcript

The thief comes to the door and Dogbert says, "Greetings." The crook says, "Hey! Ain't you the worthless watchdog from dat Dilbert guy's house I robbed?" Dogbert points to Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs and says, "I'd like you to meet Dawn and Bob who will say a few words about honesty." Dawn is holding a bat. Bob and Dawn hold the thief upside down by his ankles. Bob says, ". . . And honesty means never having to say 'please don't flush me down the toilet.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1990's comic on:


Tags #judicial proceedings, #lawyer, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hypothetical, #hypocracy, #jury duty, #standing, #less, #people, #executioner, #client

View Transcript

Transcript

The defense lawyer says, "Okay, let's say that, hypothetically, my client did kill those people . . ." His client is holding an ax and wearing an executioner's hat. The attorney says to Dilbert and the other members of the jury, "Chances are that it was nobody you know." The lawyer continues, "And the next time you're standing in a long line, ask yourself: 'Am I better off now that there are less people?'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #program, #warmer, #ozone, #global warming, #lighting, #lazer, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "My program predicts that tiny holes in the ozone could lead to . . ." A flash of lightning zaps Dilbert and his computer. Dilbert looks at his burned computer and says, "Now we'll never know." Dogbert says, "But you're getting warmer."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #hardware, #store, #invisible force, #therapy, #psychiatrist, #selfish, #feelings, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert lies on a couch and explains to a therapist, ". . . Whenever I'm near a hardware store I feel an invisible force drawing me inside . . ." The psychologist says, "You've been talking about yourself since you got here. We never talk about ME and MY feelings. I hurt too, you know." Dilbert says, "I'm paying $75 an hour . . ." The psychiatrist says, "Good Lord, and you think that makes it okay to be selfish??"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #anti-fur, #fur, #coat, #computer, #movement

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've decided to join the anti-fur movement." Dilbert asks, "Isn't that hypocritical? You wear a fur coat every day." Dogbert replies, "Oh . . . Yeah, never mind . . ." Dogbert thinks, "Wait . . ."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 1990's comic on:


Tags #finance troll, #bad time, #report, #accounting, #Dilbert, #witch, #figures

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: This must be the company accounting department. I... I need to ask some questions about this b-budget report. Dilbert: Is this a bad time for you? Accounting Witch: Always.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bluffing, #control, #don't, #wing, #my, #husband, #dead, #parties, #jury, #trials, #steamroller, #porsche

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "What if people had tails? First of all, it would look darned silly." A tail protrudes from Dilbert's pants. The caption says, "Only the truly unobservant would lose at poker." Dilbert sits at a table playing poker with a man. Dilbert thinks, "He's bluffing." The man's tail wags. He thinks, "Control . . . Don't wag . . ." The caption says, "Jury trials would be simpler." A woman sits in the witness stand and says, ". . . Then I found my husband dead." The judge and a lawyer stare at her wagging tail. The caption says, "And parties would be even more awkward." Dilbert talks to a man with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. The man says, "That's when I learned that if you drive a Porsche, you should never make fun of a man on a steamroller." Dilbert's tail wags as he replies, "Tragic . . . Really."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 1990's comic on:


Tags #dinosaurs, #Dilbert, #cult, #enforcers, #hideous, #cynical, #nature, #organization, #part

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs sit on the floor across from Dogbert. Bob says, "We heard you're forming a cult. Can we join?" Dogbert says, "Hmm . . ." Dogbert replies, "Yeah . . . I could use some enforcers to help me conceal the hideous and cynical nature of my organization. You're in . . ." Bob raises his arms over his head and yells, "Yes! We made it!" Dawn asks, "Bob, should we ask about the hideous part?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #woman, #monogamy, #field, #shuttle, #Dogbert, #rides, #uno, #love, #Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm just a one-woman kind of guy." Dilbert continues, "Some guys like to play the field. Not me. I'm happy with just one woman." Dilbert continues, "Just one. Uno. That's best for me." Dogbert says, "You can take her for rides in the Space Shuttle you'll never have either."