Service Business Comic Strips - Page 89
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1000 Results for Service Business
View 881 - 890 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 13,
2014
Tags big business, business ethics, obliviousness, core competencies, automating things, worshipping stars quo, steve jobs, reanimated body, making lapses, fiduciary responsibility, hearing what we want
Transcript
Dilbert: I did a study of our core competencies. It seems we're very good at automating things that we shouldn't be doing in the first place. But that's not all we're good at. We're also good at worshipping the status quo as if it were Steve Jobs' reanimated body. And no one is as good at masking lapses in fiduciary responsibility. Lastly, we're good at hearing what we want to hear. Boss: So... we're good at automating things?
Wednesday July 02,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, son to work, Advice, age, idiots, career decisions, expecting, unforeseen problems, business
Transcript
Carol: I brought my son to work. Do you have any career advice for him? Dilbert: All boys your age are idiots. If you make any career decisions today, your life will forever be determined by an idiot. Boss: Are we expecting any unforeseen problems today? Dilbert: But you get used to it.
Wednesday June 25,
2014
Tags celestial bodies, managers & supervisors, black hole, management style, dangerous, importnat emails, employee named ted, business
Transcript
Catbert: Your management style has caused a black hole to form. Boss: Is it dangerous? Catbert: No to us. It only absorbs important emails from employees. And en employee named Ted, apparently.
Sunday June 22,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, change recommendation, approval, feel ownership, feel you own me, ignorant decisions, more clear, agreement, business
Transcript
Boss: Change your recommendation to the opposite of what you wrote and send it to me for approval. Dilbert: Why do I need approval for the thing you just approved? Boss: I want you to feel some ownership. Dilbert: I already feel that you own me. Boss: I mean that I want you to feel ownership of the recommendation. Dilbert: How can I feel ownership of your ignorant decisions? Boss: By getting my approval for them. I can't be more clear. Dilbert: At least we agree on that.
Saturday June 07,
2014
Tags business people, engineers, skunks, spray perfumr, marketing, engineer, resist killing, terrific job, business, engineering
Transcript
INTRODUCTIONS Coworker: My name is Alan, and my job in Marketing is to spray perfume on skunks. Dilbert: I'm Dilbert. My job as an engineer is to resist killing Alan. Coworker: You're doing a terrific job. Dilbert: Stop spraying me with perfume! Introductions
Friday June 06,
2014
Tags apathy, managers & supervisors, buried alive, burlap bag, starving rats, fix everything, business
Transcript
Boss: So... how's your job going? Dilbert: It's like being buried alive in a burlap bag full of starving rats. Boss: And I'm back to not caring. Dilbert: How long will it take you to fix everything?
Monday June 02,
2014
Tags hypocrisy, managers & supervisors, wages, world records set, best employee, job performance, no raise, drug enhancing drugs, injected against will, leadership, business, money
Transcript
Boss: You've set several world records for best employee job performance. But I can't give you a raise because you used job performance enhancing drugs. Dilbert: You injected me against my will. Boss: It would be leadership if you wanted to do it.
Wednesday May 28,
2014
Tags good attitude award, stupid award, screamed, nominated, award, peer voting, next month, employees, boss, business
Transcript
Boss: Alice, you've been nominated by your peers for the "good attitude award." Alice: Get out of here with your stupid, useless award!!! Boss: Maybe I shouldn't let peers do the voting. Wally: I like her odds to win again next month.
Monday May 26,
2014
Tags business ethics, crimes, mobile (cell) phones, large screen smartphone, stealing, life of crime, chosen lifestyle
Transcript
Boss: You have a large-screen smartphone, and yet you don't work while walking from one place to another. That's like stealing from the company. Dilbert: I didn't realize I had chose a life of crime. Dogbert: And you're not even doing it right.
Sunday May 25,
2014
Tags hypocrisy, employees, trusted advisor, dumb plan, boss, employee, saying no, business
Transcript
Boss: Experts say I need employees who can say no to me. I'd like you to be my trusted adviser, Wally, because you can criticize every idea I have. Wally: No. That's the dumbest plan I've ever heard. Boss: What? Wally: You heard me. Boss: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now. Wally: You could thank me for saying no. Boss: Why does that sound right?!!!! Wally: You're welcome.


