Help People Comic Strips - Page 89

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1000 Results for Help People

View 881 - 890 results for help people comic strips. Discover the best "Help People" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2000's comic on:


Tags #internal clients, #tracking, #fake bills, #helpful

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The Boss says to Wally, "We're going to start tracking our time spent with internal clients." The Boss continues, "I will cleverly send fake bills to other departments to show how helpful we are." Wally replies, "I can't help you. I'm busy with my time sheet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #secretary works harder, #paid less, #many like you, #kill boss eventually, #fewer bosses

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Carol says to the Boss, "I work harder than you. Why do I get paid a fifth of what you make?" The Boss answers, "That's because there are many people like you but few people like me." Carol replies, "Maybe that's because the people like me eventually kill the people like you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2000's comic on:


Tags #work for losers, #commits deadline, #winners, #respect me less

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "Work is for losers." Dogbert continues, "A winner says, 'That's on my list' and never commits to a deadline." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Wouldn't people respect me less?" Dogbert replies, "I don't see how."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2000's comic on:


Tags #current version, #making changes, #slap forehead, #test software, #major changes

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The Boss asks Dilbert, "Can you test the software today?" Dilbert answers, "No. I'm making major changes Tuesday." The Boss replies, "You could test the current version." Dilbert slaps his forehead exasperated at the Boss' response. The Boss looks at Dilbert and says to himself, "I wish people wouldn't slap their foreheads and say 'Aye-yi-yi-yi' every time I talk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2000's comic on:


Tags #bought cisco, #cardboard box, #dogcart consults, #entrepreneurial, #misdialed bookie, #revive spirt

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The caption reads: "Dogbert consults." Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "You can revive the entrepreneurial spirit here by reminding people of the early years." Dogbert points to a picture of two homeless people. He says, "Your founders were two men who began in a cardboard box." Dogbert stands in front of the room of employees and says, "One bum midialed his bookie and accidently bought Cisco stock at the IPO."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2000's comic on:


Tags #payroll problem, #wrong person, #speak with supervisor, #forward call

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Dilbert, on the phone, says, "I'm trying to find someone who can help me with a payroll problem." A worker on the phone says, "You're close. I'm the guy who forwards your call to the wrong person." Dilbert says, "I'd like to speak with your supervisor." The voice on the other end of the line says, "I'll forward your call."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2000's comic on:


Tags #planning weddings, #temporary zombie division, #raising babies, #divorcing, #took dog, #good places booked

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The boss approaches a worker who is sitting in front of her computer, arms outstretched and eyes fixed. The boss says, "Helen, I'm transferring you to the temporary zombie division." Pushing Helen along, the boss says, "You will be with other people who are planning weddings, raising babies and divorcing." Helen is amid other zombie like workers, all with outstretched arms. A worker says, "She took my dog." Helen says, "All the good places are booked."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2000's comic on:


Tags #internet music, #free, #digital tops, #here with engineers, #ideas, #applied to others

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Wally says to Alice and Dilbert, "All music on the internet should be free. Artists could make money from digital tips." Catbert says to Wally, "Great idea. We'll do the same thing here with the engineers." Wally says to Dilbert, "Have you ever noticed that my ideas are only brilliant when applied to other people?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #jruy duty, #what excuse, #happy to serve, #civic responsibility, #insanity, #good one

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Dilbert is sitting in the jury room with two other people. The man sitting next to him asks, "What excuse are you planning to use?" Dilbert says to the man, "I'm happy to serve. It's my civic responsibility." The man says to Dilbert, "Insanity; good one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2000's comic on:


Tags #eternity, #flaming worms, #if i die, #succession plan, #tiptoes, #what to do, #dogbert consults

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The Boss says to Dogbert, "I've been told to make a succession plan." The Boss says, "The plan should say what to do if I die." Dogbert says, "I can help." Dogbert says to The Boss, "And if Satan makes you stand in flaming worms up to your nose, try standing on your tiptoes for eternity."