How Now Comic Strips - Page 89

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 1996's comic on:


Tags #3d colored pie chart, #unexplained rise, #expenses, #binder, #rising expenses, #color copies cost, #i see it, #magic eye doofus

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Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss points to a diagram created with an overhead projector and says, "This 3-D colored pie chart shows an unexplained rise in expenses." The Boss continues, "You each get a binder of colored pie charts so you can help find the cause of our rising expenses." Wally asks Dilbert and Alice, "How much do color copies cost?" Dilbert looks at the binder and says, "I think I see it!" Alice says, "It's not the 'magic eye,' Doofus."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1996's comic on:


Tags #software development work, #tiny nation, #elbonia, #integrating software, #existing systems, #tuberculosis vaccination

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Alice says to Dilbert, "I heard that our software development work has been moved to the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dilbert responds, "Things can't get worse than that." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "Dilbert, you're in charge of integrating the Elbonian's software with our existing systems." Dilbert looks stunned. Dilbert says to Alice, "Okay, NOW it can't get any worse." The Boss adds, "You might want to get a tuberculosis vaccination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 1996's comic on:


Tags #elbonia, #check software, #under contract, #documentation, #elbonian language, #wiring easy, #hope to read

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The caption says, "Somewhere in Elbonia." Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "I've been assigned to check the software you're writing for us under contract." One Elbonian says, "The documentation is written in our own Elbonian language." The other asks, "Is that a problem?" Dilbert says, "That's better than I'd hoped. I was afraid nobody here knew how to write." An Elbonian responds, "Writing is easy. Someday we hope to read, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #building databse, #coffee mugs, #poor processes, #probelm, #slogan on mugs, #project team

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "You haven't heard what the problem is yet; how can you recommend building a database to solve it??" Wally says, "We always build a database." Dilbert says, "And we'll need coffee mugs for the project team." The Boss says, "The PROBLEM is that we have poor processes." Wally responds, "That could be the slogan on our mugs!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #facilitate meetings, #fix product developemnt, #preplanning meetings, #project name, #death spiral

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair. Dilbert asks him, "Dogbert, I need you to facilitate some meetings." Dogbert asks, "What kind of meetings?" Dilbert says, "We're creating a process to fix our product development process. But first we're having some preplanning meetings . . ." Dilbert continues, " . . . to decide on a project name." Dogbert asks, "How about 'Death Spiral?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #executive summary, #approval page, #executives, #understand, #know less, #aaa road service, #uphill

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss hands him a document and says, "Add an executive summary to the approval page." The Boss continues, "Keep it simple. Our executives don't understand as much about technology as I do." Dilbert asks, "How could they know less than you do? You haven't figured out how to make your car go uphill." The Boss replies, "Wrong; I got AAA road service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #50 page proposal, #one pargraph, #executive summary, #impossible, #give us 3 million, #cool tech, #resumes, #festering boil, #feel obligated, #customers

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table reading documents. Dilbert says, "I have to turn this fifty-page proposal into a one-paragraph executive summary for our CEO. It's impossible." Dogbert responds, "Simple." Dogbert says, "How about 'give us three million dollars so we can buy cool technology, pump up our resumes and escape this festering boil you call a company?'" Dilbert says, "I feel obligated to say something about our customers." Dogbert says, "How about 'I'm glad I'm not one of them.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new product deal, #alert in effect, #danger new idea, #crush o matic

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Wally and Dilbert stand with the Boss. Dilbert says, "Wally and I came up with a great new product idea!" A voice says over an intercom, "Inspiration alert in effect!!" Another voice says, "Danger! New idea!" An arm extends down and drops a metal casing onto the Boss's head. The intercom says, "State your idea now." There is a large mallet poised over Dilbert's head that has written on it, "Crush-O-Matic." Dilbert says to Wally, "Um, you tell him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #write about newsletter, #grand tradition, #engineering, #lowest priority, #dont despise

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Tina the Tech Writer approaches Wally and says, "Wally, I'm hoping you'll agree to write about your project for the newsletter . . ." Tina continues, "And in the grand tradition of engineering, I expect you'll give this the lowest priority, thus making me despise you." Wally says lovingly, "So . . . are you saying you don't despise me NOW?" Tina screams, "We are NOT having a moment here!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 1996's comic on:


Tags #catbert hr director, #went nuts, #vending machine, #offer counseling, #more economical, #death penalty, #possible, #microwave oven

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Catbert says to Dilbert, "This report says you went nuts at a vending machine because it took your money." Dilbert sits with his arms crossed over his chest. Catbert continues, "The company used to offer counseling in these cases. But we found it was more economical to apply the death penalty." Dilbert looks shocked. Dilbert asks, "What?! How is that possible?" Catbert replies, "I'm not sure yet. You're too big for the microwave oven . . ."